my life is just over.

I’ve been dealing with adhd since I was about 4 years old. I’m fifteen now. I currently take a daily dose of 50mg of Ritalin, and I feel nothing. I don’t feel better, or normal, just slightly held back. I cannot stand the fact that in order to even slightly be considered a normal member of society, I have to pump myself with this god awful drug. I have a city mock trial match in about an hour, and I’m debating taking a bit more of my dosage (probably like a cap and a half so ballpark 75ish?) just to get through it. I forgot medication entirely, and within fifteen minutes of class I was told to sit at a table by myself (this is like the “big bad punishment” of that class). I hate myself. I hate having to be like this. Does anyone know if it gets better with age..? My father has adhd, and from the looks of it, it doesn’t. is there any downside to taking like 70-80mg? Will I be fine..?