AITAH for ending an eight year friendship after my cameras recorded her in my home when I was out of town?
(UPDATE) The reason I second-guessed myself is because of my own weak boundaries. I felt sorry for her and thought it probably wouldn’t happen again. BUT THAT WAS BEFORE I FOUND OUT THAT SHE HAD DONE IT MANY TIMES BEFORE. And my other friend that told me that I should forgive is just a super kind and loving person. I know I made the right decision, but of course there is a sadness and loss of what I thought was an eight year “friendship. I appreciate all the comments and I feel good about the decision I made. Yes, doors are locked and security in place!
Backstory: My friend and I met when I was her hairstylist. Then we realized that we only lived about six blocks apart. Due in part to the proximity, we became very close and she would stop by 3 or more times a week. We enjoyed a lot of the same crafts and we had a mutual love of plants so we often worked together in my yard, or hung out by my firepit. She had a lot of constant personal relationship crisis (which I always pointed out that she brought on herself) and it became more and more exhausting to spend time with her. Consequently, I slowly tried to limit our time together (although I did care about her and knew she didn’t have many other friends.)
OK… so I went out of town to visit my daughter at college, but before I left I installed the new security system that I had received. It didn’t really occur to me to mention it to anyone. When I was with my daughter, I told her about it and we got on her phone so I could teach her how to watch the cameras at home also. (We have two cats and she wanted to be ableto see them and interact with them.) I was showing her how to see the clips from the motions detected earlier in the day. It was nighttime so the house was dark - in which case the camera lights are on for detection.
In a clip from two hours earlier, I noticed my “friend” walking through my house with the flashlight of her phone. She was inspecting every drawer, cupboard and nook & cranny. My daughter and I were in shock. I texted her immediately.
I asked her if she was at my house today and she replied that she had been in the backyard picking up sticks (apparently for a fire pit she intended to have at her home that evening.) again I asked her if she had been in the house. She responded that she had to go into my garage to look for a container. I then told her I had security cameras now. She laughed and asked why I was asking her if she was there because I had obviously seen her already in the backyard. She had no clue that I had also installed them in the house. So I sent her a screenshot, and asked her if she knew who that person might be in my house with the flashlight.
She waited a few minutes to respond and then said, “oh yeah… Your cat got out.” I asked her how my cat would get out if nobody was in the house and she responded, “I’m so sorry, I forgot that I was looking in your house for some gel pens because I needed to do artwork.” I reminded her that she had just bought 100 of them the previous week. At this point, I was really getting pissed. I told her that I was freaked out that I saw her sneaking around my house with the flashlight and that made me uncomfortable. She just kept laughing it off and then when she realized I really was upset, she changed her tune to one of remorse and said she just needed to find something to do because she was upset with her boyfriend. I told her that I didn’t think I could spend time with her anymore because I had spent years trying to teach her about boundaries and our friendship was beginning to exhausting me..
So I was telling the story to the guy that rents my basement and he said that she is at my house every time I’m out of town. He was used to seeing her around, so he thought maybe I had asked her to do something there.
Two weeks later she texted and needed relationship advice, and acted like since we were “so close” it should not be a big deal. I told her what my basement renter said (I was super pissed at this point.) She became very offended and said it was nobody else’s business and I should not have told anybody about it. I told her our friendship was definitely over and to not contact me again. I told her that I was removing myself from toxic people.
Later, I was talking to one of my other friends (also a client) about it, and they kind of made me feel that I was not a very good friend because I needed to have a talk with her and forgive her. They said that people make mistakes I need to be forgiven and she should get another chance.
Since she was exhausting me anyway, I just can’t bring myself to want to have anything to do with her. AITA??
PS… she did NOT have a key. I did not always lock my back garage door. Lesson learned!
(Edited to fix some typos & add information)