EX wife hates me

My olde lady and I split up last year and she left me out of the blue. I was shell shocked by the whole thing and was driven insane trying to struggle with the whole thing. We had a son and they had another child that I was present for most of their life. They left so suddenly stating that I didn’t help enough around the house even though they were a SAHM and I was a very present father. Our children were under 5 so the house was in constant state of disarray but I expected that with the amount of work it took to keep everything else afloat. They refused to seek any counseling or repair our marriage and even stated that they maybe gay. That is, until I caught them texting another guy sexual explicit things a couple days after they stated this. I said some very serious things to her about our relationship and my perceived reality of her leaving in the ensuing days due to the fact that I felt like I held a lot in when she would attack my position in the house constantly. Well fast forward to now and we co-parent weekly with my Bio-son and unfortunately I don’t see my former step-son other than brief moments when I’m getting his brother. They go out of their way on constant basis to try and make me angry. Showed up to my job as a bouncer with her new guy friend, texts me things to make me jealous, and asks for help with the son on my end then doesn’t reciprocate unless I beg when I need it. It’s been so baffling to me that she’s been so angry with me about whatever I did, when she was the one who chose to leave and end it so quickly. I said hurtful things but it was in response to my whole life being taken away on a random day out of the blue. Am I such an asshole for being angry when we broke up? I don’t hold any anger towards her now in our conversations actually being flirty and mischievous when we text just cause I still love her. It seems she wants to hurt me, why?