Creating a relationship with a Birth Mother.

I'm curious as to how birth mothers would like hopeful adoptive couples to create a relationship with them? Especially, relationships that maintain respective boundaries.

It is clear that birth mothers are in a difficult situation. It is clear they are mad at the man that got them in the family way. It is also clear that the hopeful adoptive couples did nothing to cause this situation and it is not helpful for the birth mother to be vulgar.

I know the birth mother is in a stressful situation, but I don't see any couple trying to adopt going to put up with what happened in this meeting. Especially demands for the adoptive father to castrate himself and provide large amounts of money to the birth mother.

And let me repeat myself that I'm looking for suggestions that are respectful to all parties. I would also note this adoption is in the foster care setting and I was acting in my position as GAL.