AIO because my wife is disinterested in s*x

We have been married for 10 years. Our relationship began like many with frequent sex, at least twice a day. Immediately after we were married we slowed down to once every 2-3 days. When I mentioned this sudden change she said that all couples have sex less after after they are together for a while. She told me never to wake her up for sex. Then she had a breakout of genitalia herpes. I never had this before and she admitted that a previous partner gave it to her. She didn’t tell me this before we were married and not until she had this outbreak about six months after we got married. I accepted that this is who I married but told her I was not happy she had not told me before. After this there always seemed to be a reason not to have sex. Of course there was her cycle and I expected that. Then there were headaches, abdominal pain and constantly being tired. We have two children and decided not to have any more. She tried dozens of birth control pills but couldn’t tolerate any. So I got a vasectomy. Despite what they say this changes sex for the man. I thought since we no longer had to worry about unintended pregnancy she would feel less worried and more sexually intimate. This did not happen. We had had many discussions about this and she would tell me about things like “If I didn’t want to have sex with you I wouldn’t be with you “. Or that sex is more enjoyable if there is more time between sexual activity. So we waited. Leaving it to her it would be 1-2 weeks or more. She went to a hormone doctor who said a bunch of things that seemed to contradict themselves at each visit. She started to blame her hormones for lack of libido. About two months ago she started complaining of a sore throat and was diagnosed with candida. She stopped oral sex. Has been treated and it resolved. But she says her throat still hurts and doesn’t want to resume oral sex. She is going to see an ENT. I asked if we could work on pleasing each other in different ways. She doesn’t know how to stimulate me well. I tried to gently tell her how to do it differently but she just shuts down. “What do you want me to do?” I love my family and realize that sex is not everything but I am worried and I happy with her lack of interest in me.