AIO He’s Hot, Cold, and Full of Excuses—Is This Guy Serious or Just Wasting My Time?

So, I’ve been in this weird on-and-off thing with a guy for a year, and I honestly can’t figure out his intentions. Here’s the backstory:

We met through his brother, who’s a good friend of mine, and hit it off. He slid into my DMs last February after moving to London post-breakup and years of traveling. He was dealing with anxiety and adjusting to life here, and I tried to be understanding.

We went on a coffee date, and it was lovely, but soon after, he told me his life was “too busy” to take things further. I appreciated his honesty, even though it hurt. Later, he randomly bought me some food from an Arabic shop (we’re from the same niche country), invited me to his birthday (which I couldn’t attend), and told a friend of mine that I was beautiful but that he couldn’t give 100% to anything due to his anxiety. I thought okay, he’s clearly not in a place for a relationship, so I left him alone.

Then, in November, he slid back into my DMs, and I thought maybe he was in a better headspace. We went on another date, but he had a panic attack after an hour and had to leave. I completely understood because I have bad anxiety myself. He apologized and asked me out for drinks, which turned out to be a really lovely time. We talked about our long-term goals—he wants to move to the countryside, and so do I—and we seemed to really click. We kissed, kept messaging, and I honestly thought this could go somewhere.

The following week, he asked to see me twice, but things started to unravel. He canceled the first date last minute, sending a voice note at 6:30 PM saying he was ill. I had this gut feeling he wasn’t being entirely truthful, and I didn’t want to get my hopes up again, so I preemptively canceled the second date. I told him we should “rain check” because I didn’t want to risk getting sick before my trip, but really, I was just trying to protect myself from being let down again.

We agreed to see each other after the holidays, and during that month apart, he’d message me every few days—not constantly, but enough to keep me engaged. At first, it made me anxious, but I convinced myself I was overthinking since we weren’t even in the same place.

When we got back, he sent me a voice note saying he has feelings for me and thinks I’m beautiful (classic line), but he can’t stop thinking about how our long-term goals don’t align—he wants to live up north, and I want to stay down south. He also admitted he’d been distant, avoiding me like a coward, and knew this would upset me. That part hurt because it felt like he’d been stringing me along while I was questioning everything.

Then, he has the audacity to say he wants to meet for a coffee “to clear the air” because we have good banter and he doesn’t want to lose that.

WTF? Is he just stringing me along, or does he genuinely not know what he wants? It’s also frustrating because everyone keeps saying I’m way out of his league (which I hate because I really did like him), but I’m at the point where I don’t think I can bounce back from this.

I’ve told him I don’t think meeting up would help either of us, but I’m second-guessing myself. Is that the right move? What do you think his intentions are?