Why did my baby die?

I am f35, 5’2, 56kg.

I’m located in the U.K., non-smoker, non-drinker, no health issues or illnesses, no medication. Before pregnancy, I was going to the gym 3-4 times per week. I take my pre-natal vitamins and maintain a very healthy, balanced diet.

I had two first trimester losses earlier this year. I then lost my son at 19 weeks in September.

At 17 weeks, I flagged to my midwife that I was having pain and pressure in my bladder or lower uterus (I couldn’t tell exactly), and it only happened when I was peeing. Urinating was painful and caused Braxton Hicks and a rolling downward sensation, which was painful every time. It did not feel like a UTI. There was no stinging, burning, or itching, no odour, no bleeding or spotting. I did have one tiny instance of slightly green/darker yellow discharge. She tested my urine and said there were leukocytes present, but that it could be normal for pregnancy, and did a swab. The swab came back negative, so no further action was taken. I was in pain and knew this wasn’t normal, so I approached a GP, who also saw nothing wrong with the swab and prescribed generic antibiotics just in case it was a UTI.

At 19 weeks and 3 days, I went into early labour, but the hospital didn’t believe me at first. They did a scan and Doppler and told us baby looked absolutely perfect. His heartbeat was great, he was moving around and looking very strong. Then they did an internal exam just for protocol and told me the sac was bulging and I’d have no choice but to give birth to my beautiful, perfectly healthy baby who I could still feel moving around in my belly. He was alive and kicking until just before he was born. I had blood tests and swabs taken. Nothing has been grown from the swabs and we’re still waiting for the blood results.

What I need to know is why my baby had to die? No one offered me an emergency cerclage (I didn’t even know what this was until after we were home and looking for answers). They said it’s likely to be either an infection or an insufficient cervix. If it was an infection, wouldn’t our son have died before labour started, and wouldn’t something come up on the swabs? If it was my cervix, why didn’t my waters break and why did I have such strong labour?

Everything I’ve read says that most people who experience insufficient cervix don’t know they’re about to give birth and feel like they need the bathroom. This was absolutely not the case for me. My waters were not leaking, and they burst like a water balloon during a very strong and agonising contraction - I was pushing and they burst with a literal bang and gush. Labour then slowed until 11 hours later when everything picked back up, and he was born after another 3 agonising hours. The midwives were almost certain he’d be born alive, but it looks like he passed right as the last moment. He looked absolutely beautiful - so oxygenated and the picture of health. All the screenings and anatomy scans came back fine.

We’ve been told that next time they may try progesterone and a cerclage, but if I had an infection I’m terrified I’d get another one when they put the cerclage in. Or the progesterone causing one from being an irritant (in the U.K. they don’t give progesterone injections, only pessaries).

What would have caused him to pass away right before birth? Was there anything I could have done to prevent this? We are absolutely destroyed by his loss. We have no living children and are desperate to try again, but after three losses now we are petrified of the same thing happening.