Is having a go bag or escape plan smart statistically, or problematic when with a long term partner?
So I've saw this on another sub and the comments are divided. I was wondering as a feminist myself, how other feminists feel about this.
So to make a longer story short, the wife had a go bag. Just clothes, money, important documents, feminine care items. $1000 max, in her closet.
Her husband found it whilst cleaning the house for some repairs to be done, and questioned her about why she needs a go back. At first she said it was just for maybe a natural disaster, or other stuff like that. But he pressed and pressed, and eventually she said that a mommy forum told her that she should always have a go bag in the situation that her husband/partner becomes abusive. He wanted to divorce or separate over knowing this, claiming that she "doesn't trust him"
Now my initial reaction is that she's not wrong.
I understand trust in a relationship. But statistically speaking, women are more likely to be murdered by their own partner than anyone else. Domestic violence rates are high aswell, and that's only self reported. Hell if your partner works in law enforcement, it's upwards of a 40% chance that domestic violence is occuring. There have been countless stories of people being in relationships for 5, 10, 20 years. But on that 5 year, one month mark.. they get hit. Or yelled at. Or they break a wall that's behind them.
"Nice men" can turn out to be not so nice in an instant. And that's not to say all men will turn out that way, a vast majority won't. But some will, and it can always be who you don't expect.
But of course the comments, again, were divided, and delved into light gender wars as usual. "Well if she can do that then men should be able to have mandatory paternity tests" "She obviously hates men and needs therapy if she can't trust you"
Blah blah. Those arguments I kinda just didn't listen to, though.
How do you feel about it? From a feminist perspective, does it show a lack of trust, or simply a smart decision to make based on current statistics? Do you have such plans in place yourself, if you have a partner, what are their thoughts?
I'm just curious in general. I know people feel vastly different ways about something like this.
Edit: I thank everyone for the replies! This truly is a more nuanced issue than I previously anticipated, but that can be a good thing.
That said, as I said in another comment, if I did anything similar, I'd have money in the bank as opposed to a go bag. A go bag is much more of an urgent thing than just setting aside money "just in case". It's also dependent on people's individual boundaries.