I don’t understand what’s wrong with me

This isn’t a cry for help or a trama dump, I just want to understand why I feel like this.

I just want to figure out what’s wrong with me, if there is something. I love my girlfriend and I think I’m only ever happy when I’m around her. Every thing else in my life, I just feel bored or nothing, not necessarily sad, even when I’m doing something I “enjoy”. I haven’t like actually laughed since I was a kid, I literally just made up a chuckle that I do occasionally. I graduated college about six months ago with a degree in nuclear engineering, got an amazing job with a great salary, and I didn’t/don’t even feel accomplished. I am so lucky compared to other people and I just feel crappy about it. I feel like I’m faking my life.

I loved most of my childhood, I had no trama and amazing parents (again lucky). My family took me to the Bahamas this year, the freaking Bahamas and I got there and felt nada. When I was a kid, like starting around age 6 I used to look in the mirror and think I wasn’t real. Like I would tell myself “you’re a person out of billions of people, with your own consciousness: there’s no way, I don’t exist”. I did it all the time, I feel like that’s crazy for a child. I also haven’t believed in god for quite sometime even though I was raised Christian. It was just going to church if we weren’t busy on Sundays. I don’t really want to get into religion though if your reading please. I dont want kids. I don’t like myself enough to see a little me running around.

I had an alcohol problem for a while even though I didn’t think I did. I always felt really happy when I drank, but it caused everyone around me struggles. So I fixed it. Still drinking just a lot less and less often. My father was adopted, he’s the smartest man I know. I think his birth mother was SAed, so Iv always wondered if I have some screwed up gene in me. Iv always felt “I don’t think life is worth existing at all” but I would never kms because I could never do that to my family and gf.

I went to see a therapist last year. It was absolutely no help. I opened up to her but I felt like she would just ask me questions about things that I already thought a million times over, like I would magically figure myself out. I saw her for a few months and quit because it was honestly just pissing me off.

Thank you for reading. I just want honest answers if you’re knowledgeable on the subject.