I used to think there were no hot men left.

Every time I went out, all I saw were soft-jawed finance bros, dudes in ill-fitting jeans who "hate astrology," and the guy who still isn’t over his ex but swears she’s crazy. The dating pool felt like a wasteland.

I spent my early dating years assuming that men my age were the dating pool. I believed in “age-appropriate” partners, I let society convince me that my options were limited to men within a 3–5 year radius of my own birth date, and, of course, they had to be financially stable enough to court me properly. Which meant my viable dating pool was approximately 0.00001% of the population. Now, I realize that was a self-imposed dating prison. I used to think dating was limited. That my options were slim. That my best years were behind me. But I was wrong. The truth? There are more men to date than ever before. Because now? I’m not just dating the 30-somethings. I’m dating the 20-somethings, the 40-somethings, even the 50-somethings—if they’re hot enough.

The entire world has expanded.

And I cannot believe I let society shrink my options into a tiny, miserable box of “acceptable” men. The ones with “serious intentions” and “financial stability” who could “properly court me”—which, let’s be honest, was maybe three men total, and I didn’t even like any of them.

Then, I did something radical—I stopped dating for commitment and started dating for fun. I stopped filtering every interaction through “Is this man husband material?” and instead asked myself: Do I want to experience this person right now?

And suddenly... men got hotter.

The Subway sandwich guy who put extra banana peppers on my order? Hot.
The 20-something on a skateboard pulling a half-assed ollie outside a 7-Eleven? Hot.
The Trader Joe’s guy buying nothing but frozen dumplings and a single lime? Hot.
The tattooed bartender who definitely cries to The Smiths? Hot.

Did men suddenly evolve overnight? No. I just stopped looking at them like investments.

For years, I had been dating like a walking retirement fund, treating sex as something I had to trade for stability. I turned down perfectly great men—not because they weren’t interesting, fun, or sexy, but because I couldn’t see a future with them. Meanwhile, men date for right now all the time.

I realized I was dating like I was still fighting for my survival, but I don’t need a man to survive. So why was I still dating like I did?

That’s when I discovered solo polyamory— look I'm not here to shit on monogamy hell I'm definitely looking for my forever partner. I'm just questioning if I should be sitting on the sidelines gatekeeping my sexuality using it for a barter chip for commitment or should I be out here playing the game and gate keeping my commitment?

The idea that I can be open to connections, love, and intimacy while fully prioritizing myself. That I don’t have to wait for the right man to experience pleasure. That I can create a dating life that is fulfilling now, instead of waiting for some imaginary future husband to magically appear.

So, I want to hear from other women—especially those 30+:

💥 Have you ever felt like you were filtering too much for "husband material" and missing out on great experiences?

💥 How did shifting your mindset around dating change your experience? Did it make dating feel less exhausting?

💥 If you’ve embraced solo polyamory or dating for pleasure, how has it affected your relationships, confidence, and overall happiness?

💥 Do you feel like women are still dating for survival, even though we don’t need to anymore?

Would love to hear different perspectives on this—especially from women who’ve unlearned traditional dating scripts. Let’s talk! 🔥