Someone please give me advice on living with my m22 autistic brother.

Background he grew up in a dysfunctional home(mother’s house). I grew up in an extremely abusive home (my father’s house). We were teenagers in an equally dysfunctional house at my grandparents. My brother has severe autism I have ADHD with mild OCD and recently after our narcissistic mother abandoned my brother I let him move in with my husband and I. He has a load of issues like lack of personal care skills and basically reminds me of me at 15 years old. Due to the way we grew up we struggle to communicate and see eye to eye. He will do things like not shower for days or do laundry even though my husband has been coaching him for months. I’m at my wits end and can’t even speak to him without things going south between us. Idk how to make this work anymore and I feel guilty my husband is handling the load. We have three kids already. Please anyone advise me on how to do help him!

A few things I should have added: He is verbal He is able enough to have a drivers license and complete high school with a diploma. We have been intensely coaching him in tasks EX.show him how to do it and have him repeat it. He is refusing therapy and since I am his guardian I can not make him go. He can communicate his wants needs he just seems to have an upside view on the way the world works. He’s an adult but thinks that he can force family members to take care of him (a conversation we had when my mom abandoned him that his plan B was force his dads family to take care of him).