Ex-wife opened 2 credit cards in my name in the amount of $6000. She's threatening to withhold my visitation rights for our son if I turn her in.
I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/creditthrowawaay2 posting in r/CreditScore
Ongoing as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Mood Spoiler - frustrating
Original - 19th September 2024
Update - 26th January 2025
Ex-wife opened 2 credit cards in my name in the amount of $6000. She's threatening to withhold my visitation rights for our son if I turn her in.
This is a sad situation but after my divorce, I ended up moving about 30 miles away where I bought a house and got a job transfer. The divorce was finalized about 4 years ago. She got primary custody as she lives in the school district, though I get most weekends and holidays. We've been fairly cordial about it and it's been working for awhile. Eventually, I'd like to get to a 50/50 as she'll be moving to a different school district once he hits high school shortly and I'd just move into that district.
My problem is that my ex has opened up a couple of credit cards in my name. I had no idea this was happening until I received a letter from a collection agency. It was pretty obvious she was the one who opened the accounts as the address on the accounts are hers and it looks like the statements are from mainly where she shops.
When I dropped our son off on Monday I told her I found the accounts and I'd have to go to the police unless she paid them off completely right away. She denied it at first, then said if I went to the police, she'd disallow visitation for "safety" reasons. Unfortunately, she'd be able to do this, and has done so in the past, requiring me to go back to court with my lawyer to force her to follow the parenting agreement. That's how I gained all holidays shortly after the divorce, basically as a punishment for failing to comply with the parenting order, but still allowing her to be the custodial parent.
I don't want my son to have to go through this, but I am certainly not taking the hit to my credit for what she's doing. I'm probably going to make the report but is there anything else I'd be missing her?
Comments
Happy_Escape861
Copying this for every identity theft situation I see on here (since it seems to happen a lot) where you know who the person is who stole your identity. This is all information you can find in this sub and others:
1: CALL THE POLICE - You're the victim of identity theft, plain and simple, it doesn't matter who did it or what your relationship is to them. They broke the law, now they have to face the consequences of their actions.
2: Freeze your credit - You want to make sure it doesn't happen again, take the proactive route of freezing your credit.
3: Monitor and track your credit - You need to be alerted if anyone tries opening a line of credit in your name. This gives you a way to do it and it shows your credit score
4: Warn anyone else who might be a victim - This includes family members or anyone else whose social security number might be compromised by the thief.
5: Take the police report to the credit bureaus - Give them the report number when you dispute all of the accounts. Most of the time, that will be enough for them to take the accounts off of your credit. It's on the creditors themselves to prove the accounts are legitimately yours and the bureaus aren't going to get in the middle of it. A police report goes a long way in clearing up your credit.
Don't take identity theft lying down, even if it's someone close to you. If you let them get away with it, get ready for 5-10 years of bad credit, collection agencies coming after you, lawsuits, etc.
When you're making your report to the police, I'd let them know exactly what she said regarding her intent to prevent you from seeing your kid. What sucks is you'll probably have to go back to court over it. Give your lawyer a copy of the police report for this and I would imagine they would be able to use it against your ex when you inevitably end up back in front of a judge.
MAK3AWiiSH
In addition to this u/creditthrowawaay2 do not let your ex bully you into not contacting the police. Record down the conversation you had where she threatened to use the kids against you. That’s against the law.
Additionally, let her withhold access to the kids. That will work favorably to you within the courts. Make sure to document why she’s withholding the kids, preferably in writing. People will easily incriminate themselves when given the opportunity.
Parental alienation is fucked up and I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this.
Update - 4 months later
There's some good and some bad unfortunately. Since this started several months ago she has been horrible. I went to the police regarding the credit card accounts, getting the report was painless and they said it happens a lot. Both of the credit cards have dropped off my credit report! My credit is back to normal and I've set up a credit monitor and to make sure it doesn't happen again.
It doesn't look like she's going to be prosecuted for opening the cards in my name. I was told when I made the report it would be up to the credit card companies to cooperate with the prosecutors if they wanted to go through with fraud charges. Apparently they don't cooperate most of the time, but I can still ask the county to prosecute on behalf of myself, which I did. In Novemeber I got a form letter saying they wouldn't be prosecuting my case. I asked a criminal defense lawyer I know about it and he said the county maybe goes forward with 10% of criminal cases where people get arrested, it's nearly 0 where there is no probable cause for an arrest. He said his job is basically just working out deals for clearly guilty people. He also said to let it go at this point, so I've come to terms with the fact that she's not going to gave criminal charges and probably not even a lawsuit.
She also did exactly what she said she would do and stopped letting me see our son. I've documented every single instance (about 30 total) since September that she's failed to follow our court ordered custody agreement. I finally got her served at work (that's another thing I don't like about family courts) and she claimed I was abusive and manipulative. I had the police report for the credit cards and basically said the visitation violations started the week after I made the report. The judge basically gave her a final chance to follow the order before he would grant an alteration and she'd possibly face criminal charges.
The first child exchange after the hearing a couple weeks ago she said she needs more child support and alimony, asking for an extra $1500/month. I told her absolutely not. Last week I went to pick him up, she never showed up and I got a documentation number from the police. Next day - "new account detected" email. I got the account canceled before the card was even sent....to her address. Froze my credit, made another report, waiting for the "will not prosecute" letter, she's failed to show up with him ever since. Got her served at work and our new hearing is in a week and a half.
I know eventually things are going to work out but she's really testing my nerves.
Comments
Dapper-Cantaloupe866
This is exactly why CC fraud is so rampant, nothing is ever done about it.
supern8ural
Get her threats in writing then report her anyway. If she tries to fuck with your custody submit her messages as evidence.
Many_Monk708
Did you read it? She’s done that. He’s documented it, taken it to the judge and he’s said that she has to comply. She tried to open another card in his name and when another police report was filed she denied access again. The judge should based on what he said, go for an amendment of the custody agreement because of the fuckery she’s unleashing
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