AITA for "not acknowledging my GF's equity" in the house we live in?
I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/Final_Hurry_8081 posting in r/AITAH
Concluded as per OOP
1 update - Short
Original - 11th January 2025
Update - 30th January 2025
AITA for "not acknowledging my GF's equity" in the house we live in?
I (38M) met my GF (32F) 7 years ago when I was looking for a house. At the time, she was working for a guy who did custom carpentry and we were introduced by a mutual aquiantence who I told I wanted to redo the kitchen in the house. She and her boss did some work for my kitchen renovation.
We remained in touch and about 5 years ago, we started dating. About 3 years ago, she moved in. We maintain separate finances at my insistence (I have two kids). I pay 100% of the mortgage, homeowners insurance, HOA fees, and any maintenance costs that arise. We split groceries and utilities historically.
About 4 months ago, my GF lost her job. She has been looking, but has not found anything. She has been paying most of her expenses using savings. About 2 months ago, I was reached out to by a realtor. There is an older couple originally from the area looking to move back. They looked at another house that was for sale in the neighborhood, but they saw my house on the outside and really loved it. He said they would be willing to pay a premium. I let them do a walkthrough and they made me an insane offer. After talking to my GF, I accepted. We are now looking for a new place.
My GF has approached me about collecting on her "equity" when the sale is finalized. I thought she was joking, but she was serious. I maintain she does not have equity in the house. She thinks she does because of what work she did in the kitchen during the renovation and helping maintain the house. She was paid for her renovation work, it was before we were dating. The maintenance she does on the house is cleaning and occasionally unclogging a toilet and/or changing the smoke alarm batteries. I do not think that is grounds for equity in the house.
AITA?
Comments
WholeCompetitive3303
NTA! I’m also a woman in my 30’s and this is insane. You paid for the work she did before your relationship so that was not a “investment” of any kind (on her part) and certainly can’t be considered. You pay for all the house costs. The “work” she does around the house, at most, could be considered a favor to you for offering her free housing. Sheesh!
2dogslife
Honestly, I own a house as a woman and I have charged previous BFs rent, because that's what adults do - they pay for living spaces. It's crazy to me that someone who put NO money down and paid minimal expenses expects to get large sums of money. GF had all those years of NOT paying rent, she should have been banking some serious cash, then she wouldn't ask for handouts. Any equity is OP's, maybe his kids.
[deleted]
NTA, Now ask if she wants to talk about the 5 years worth of rent that she owes. edit BTW you now see what type of person your G/F is, I would suggest that you go find a new one.
**Judgement - NTA*\*
Update - 19 days later
A few weeks ago I posted about my GF of five years wanted equity in my house I am selling.
Well, I found out the reason she wanted the equity is because she wanted to leave the relationship. About eight months ago, she had asked me if I would get a vasectomy reversal and consider having kids with her (I have two already). I told her "no." She apparently wants kids now. After that conversation, she started planning her exist strategy, but then lost her job. She thought I would give her at least a little bit of equity. If I gave her 5% of the sales price, that would be enough for her to leave.
Well, after learning all this, I broke up with her. House is set to close in the next 30 days so my now ex needs to find a new place by then. She has limited funds and asked me for a loan and/or to spot her some money. I refuse. So, that is where we stand after everything.
Comments
SnoredCosBored
Glad you got your answers. Now this can be a real fresh start in a new house without any of it reminding you of your ex.
SweetHoneyPie1
She wanted equity in the house but ended up with a no equity relationship? She’s trying to cash in on the wrong investment.
notsam57
no, she was trying a hail mary to get scam some cash from op before she moved on.
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
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