[Final Update] - Thinking about not attending my brother’s wedding because of his fiancées prank on my husband
I am not the OOP. The OOP is u/NaturalGrocery3159 posting in r/AITAH
Ongoing as per OOP
1 update - Medium
Original - 21st OCtober 2024
Update - 9th November 2024
1 New Update
Final Update - 1st February
Thinking about not attending my brother’s wedding because of his fiancées prank on my husband
Thinking about not attending my brother’s wedding because of his fiancées prank on my husband I am 25F, my husband is 30M.
My brother 32M and his fiancée 31F recently came to visit us in our city.
My partner and I are new homeowners and they were staying with us for the first time.
My brother's fiancée loves Halloween. She is also a 'Disney adult' and has a childlike side to her which comes out sometimes. She's just super involved (absorbed?) when it comes to her interests.. anyway I'm just sharing this for context because my perspective is that she often gets carried away and I genuinely feel what I am going to describe was the result of one of those moments where she just took it too far and suffered some negative consequences. She is however.. taking it as a very personal attack. So we disagree and the disagreement resulted in my husband cutting their visit short (aka they were asked to leave).
31F has made comments more than few times now since meeting him, that my husband gives off a "dark" vibe. She is always comparing him to characters from various books she reads. It's not necessarily criticism, she always explains that they are compliments.. well i'm not sure anymore. Her reasons for these comparisons are based on his looks, the general vibe he gives off and his tattoo (he only has one, but it's on his hand). During this recent visit, she mentioned she would love to see someone like him get scared because she can't imagine him getting startled, or letting out a scream.
Scaring him became her goal during her stay with us. None of us knew about it, not even my brother.
The incident causing all the trouble is that she tried to jump scare my husband in the garage. It was dark and she ambushed him in the garage while wearing a full outfit and mask when he was returning from a run. Well he didn’t let out the scream she wanted … He instinctively reacted by shoving her against the wall. She hit her head and was quite shaken up. Luckily he realized very quickly by the sound she made that it likely wasn't an intruder. He switched the lights on and pulled her mask off. He told me he was very confused in the moment.. why would she attack him?
My husband helped her inside, apologized, made her tea and then called me (I was out with my brother).
When we got home.. I asked 31F if she was OK and I said her prank was stupid to do because she could have gotten seriously hurt! I don't know if it was what I said that bothered her or if she was just waiting for her partner to come home but she launched into crying about how my husband used an excessive amount of force knowing it was most likely her just doing a harmless prank.
In a nutshell... My husband asked her straight forwardly: are you implying I intentionally assaulted you? She hesitated but chose to say 'yes' and my husband responded to that with "get out of my house".
I tried to smooth it but my husband was adamant if that's what she genuinely believes, she's not welcome to stay.
31F chose to stick to her accusation.
I decided to side with my husband.
My brother is angry with me, he thinks I should have tried to do damage control and let them stay by convincing my husband to lean more into apologizing and placating his fiancée who was just recovering from the situation. He thinks this whole thing would've blown over if I'd helped my husband fold... I find this unfair. My brother was counting on me to handle all this yet he didn't speak up during the conversation or try to talk sense into his fiancée ??? My husband remained calm the entire time, but he obviously felt insulted by her remarks and I think that's valid. Why should I have taken my brother's fiancée's side over my own husband.. especially when I feel like she was wrong for doing all that, then turning around and accusing my husband of wanting to hurt her? My brother says I was short sighted and should think of their upcoming wedding but I think he is the one who needs to get his fiancée to apologize to my husband.
Editing to add the text below, in an attempt to answer some things that are getting lost in comments.
I would like to clarify: when I meant I tried to smooth the situation, I was not taking 31F's side or doubting my husband in any way - I simply tried to get everyone to consider tabling this until emotions had cooled down.. and by those emotions, I mean the hysterics of my brother's fiancée. My husband was calm throughout, although there was an obvious finality about his decision. He made his statement and disengaged. As mentioned, my brother looked to me hoping I'd persuade my husband, but I didn't so they had to leave.
The costume.
I mentioned in a comment that I didn't get an opportunity to ask that night if she bought an outfit specifically for this prank or if it was my brother's Halloween costume (they go to adult Halloween parties) and were attending one this weekend 2 hours from where we live. It was part of my brother's costume; a mask (like a golden masquerade one but more coverage. It reminded me of the Gold/Jewelled animal masks from Squid Game, or something you'd wear to a Rothschild party in the 70s) and she had on a long robe/cloak with a hood.
People asked me to update, I will do that. Please look at my comments too in case I already answered a question you might have, but I think these 2 were the ones I saw pop up the most. I'm sorry I can't keep up with all the comments... I really tried.
I will be showing this thread to my brother.
Comments
do2g
If she hadn't hidden in the dark garage in a hooded costume, none of this would have happened. There's no way he would have known in the moment that it was her and I believe anyone would have a similar reaction. Frankly, she's lucky she was not hurt more than she was.
There's a direct cause-effect here yet she's not accepting responsibility. I think her behavior falls into the "play stupid games" category. Your husband doesn't have anything to apologize for and it's offensive for them to try to obfuscate her responsibility.
NTA
FordWarrier
Exactly this. It’s one thing to come out of a closet into a well lighted room, and completely another to jump someone in a dark garage. She’s lucky he didn’t break her nose or her jaw.
Pure_Butterscotch165
I live in Oklahoma, she's lucky she didn't get shot
Marykk10
Texas here. Getting shot is a REAL possibility. That's beyond stupid on her part. I can guarantee you that I will NOT be attacked again. Not funny
Speckle-Fried-Pickle
NTA. Your future SIL is deranged. She attacked someone coming into his own home. He reacted accordingly. How would he know it was her??? She FAFO. Your brother should have told her it's her own fault. Be prepared for more dramatics once they are married and go LC now. Nothing will ever be her fault.
Edited to add: call your family NOW and tell them what happened before they spin it and blame your husband for reacting appropriately.
neversayhello
Their relationship dynamics are concerning. You might want to distance yourself from her drama.
**Judgement - NTA*\*
Update - 19 days later
I got a lot of messages requesting an update. I have never made one before so I hope I am going about this correctly.
To recap my previous post, my (25F) brother’s fiancee (31F) decided to jumpscare my husband (30M) in our dark garage because she wanted to get a reaction from him (and possibly hear him scream ?!) As ridiculous as it sounds, this is the only ‘motive’ we have been able to get out of her.
My husband responded to her jumpscare by instinctively shoving her against the wall. Luckily for her, he heard her voice and recognized that it wasn’t an intruder. He apologized to her in that moment, helped her inside, and calmed her down. He told me he was gentle and understanding, but once she was seated and started to calm down, he made it very clear to her that her actions were reckless and could have led to serious harm. It’s my personal opinion that she didn’t like the change in his demeanor and being told off because it meant she was no longer the victim, but the transgressor.
In a shitty attempt to get herself out of the hot seat.. She decided to accuse my husband of using excessive force.. implying that he intentionally assaulted her, even though she was the one who initiated the whole situation. This led to an emotional reaction from my brother, and heightened the tension between him and my husband. My husband was zero-tolerance about the theatrics (FSIL in hysterics and my brother getting riled up about it) - he kicked them both out.
You can read the details of the first post here.
Update
I tried to talk to my brother multiple times after the incident, but each attempt ended in silence because I refused to give in to his demands. He wanted my husband and me to apologize to his fiancée, starting with me downplaying the whole situation so she wouldn't feel 'bad' about her prank.
I hesitated to send him the Reddit post I'd made. Initially — I thought it might work against us to make things worse. But his total inability to reason with me or see the situation for what it was became beyond frustrating. Since I couldn't physically deliver a cold hard slap to his face for asking me to be complacent in allowing my husband to be falsely accused of assault, I figured the next best thing would be for him to read all your comments.
Following the advice I got here, I tried to get ahead of the situation by informing my parents. My dad, a reasonable and practical man, immediately sided with my husband. His comments were similar to what a lot of people here had said, focusing on how dangerous and reckless the prank was and the ramifications of being falsely accused of assault. My mom who unfortunately has always favored my brother, suggested we 'at least hear her out' (referring to my brother's fiancée). As livid as I was about her reaction, I wasn’t surprised by it. My dad did try to shut down her skepticism, but she remained on my brother’s side for a few days—until I showed them footage from my brother’s Tesla (which he had tried to delete!).
The 'Sentry' thing (sorry if I'm using the terminology incorrectly I'm not a Tesla owner) recorded part of the interaction in the garage—not the jump scare itself.. but the aftermath, which imo was more crucial. My husband’s account was confirmed: He used a measured amount of force to immobilize her and was prepared to escalate if necessary - which is BEYOND generous for someone to do in a situation like that (and definitely not owed).
Many of you speculated that she might have a fixation or even a crush on my husband, and I’m starting to reconsider some past interactions with that in mind. I also misunderstood what ‘dark’ books she expressed she enjoyed (and compared my fiancee to) - I learned from comments here that they are actually a sub-type of the romance genre. I didn’t know she was comparing him to characters in romance novels because one of the characters I recall her comparing my husband to was from a book about dragons. I genuinely wish I still remembered the names of various characters she’s mentioned over the months so I could satisfy my own curiosity but my brain glossed over the names during conversations.
We have a group chat for the wedding, which includes my brother, my parents, my brother’s fiancée, and her parents. In that chat, I addressed the incident but didn’t share the Tesla footage—only mentioned that it exists. Her parents didn’t respond in the chat, though I know they saw the message. Later, her mom called mine—apparently, they had no idea about the prank. It’s hard to say whether they believe me or if they’ve taken their daughter’s side after speaking with her. My brother’s fiancée (and my brother) have both extended apologies to my husband, and have requested our presence at their upcoming wedding. My parents, trying to keep the peace, have encouraged us to go, saying it’s the 'honorable' thing to do.
So, for the sake of family formality, we’ve decided to attend. However, my husband has made it clear that we’ll be there out of obligation. We will be keeping a distance from them going forward. We haven’t explicitly stated it, but there will be no future invitations to our home, not even for the holiday dinner we had planned before all this happened. My husband is going to minimize all future interaction with my brother’s fiancée. I don’t think we’ll ever trust her again.
I’ll try to spend some one-on-one time with my brother to gauge where we stand. Our relationship feels strained, and this incident has made me realize that I lost him to her long before this happened—something I hadn’t fully recognized until now.
Thanks to everyone for sharing your opinions.
A reporter from a news outlet reached out to me, and I remember requesting that if anyone uses my story - I would like them to pass on the following sentiment:
I hope that if you share my story, you can help highlight the dangers of ambush-style pranks. These types of pranks create a threatening environment and put everyone involved at risk of serious harm or injury. They are stupid and dangerous. No one should have to feel threatened or be put in a position where their safety is compromised for the sake of a prank. If that's the set-up, then it's not a prank. Actions like these will always have consequences, some of which may be irreparable, and no prank is worth the risk of someone getting hurt.
Editing to add a little footnote:
I understand people get curious and invested.. but please consider this my final update. If necessary, I will update again in the future but it will be unlikely and I assure you it won't be any time soon. I got a lot of DMs requesting updates on the previous post so I thought I'd place this disclaimer here.
... And another Edit to fix the formatting.
I wrote this post in my Notes app first which was a dodo move apparently. Sorry I suck at this.
Comments
MikeReddit74
Still NTA, and your SIL is still lucky that all she got was a shove against the wall. Doing dumb shit tends to get people killed more often than not.
tequilitas
PLEASE make sure to eep a copy of that video and if possible a written statement from your future SIL. She can always backtrack and try to ruin your husband's life with a false accusation.
OOP: We have a copy :)
tequilitas
That's good, I would still be very careful with your whole family. Your husband was attacked and it seems they are all very happy to keep it hush hush. I know you are trying your best and I applaud you for it but please never forget they are willing to appease that psycho no matter the consequences to your husband.
Final Update - 2 months later
I still get the odd message or notification on this account which is surprising to me. I always feel bad because I can't feed the interest with a truly juicy update. TLDR: my brother and his partner got married, she is pregnant and we are no contact.
This is the last one from me guys.
I did read (or try to read) some of the books I got recommended that would show me what my husband is being compared to. I mostly did this for entertainment purposes.
I think some fans of these books will get mad but I'll just be honest: these books are not for me.
I got up to book 3 in ACOTAR, although my skimming increased with each book... I made it through a little bit of the 4th one and that's when my brain just couldn't take any more.
I think my husband was supposed to be Rhysand? After reading 3 +1/2ish books. I don't quite see it.
I found both Rhysand and Feyre increasingly annoying as the books went on.. I just DNF'd. They're not my people. If I had to pick, Azriel seemed a little more like my husband.. maybe? based on just loose vibes that I got.
I also read Fourth Wing (just the one book) and I won't be reading the rest of the series.
I think my husband was supposed to be Xaden? .. He's actually more of a Liam personality-wise.
These were the main 2 books.
Anyway the actual update:
My brother and his fiancée got married. She was pregnant. My mom had already suspected apparently but the pregnancy was announced during the wedding.
The pregnancy has made my parents kind of soften. My mom is distracted about becoming a grandma. It hasn't changed how I feel, I still think it's a mistake that he's marrying her, and I'm worried about him ... but I also don't have any intense feelings. It's his life.
My husband didn't have to attend the wedding, we all said he could skip it but he wanted to accompany me.
Nothing dramatic happened at the wedding.
We did keep at a bit of a distance so maybe we missed any drama if there was some.
I did learn something disturbing from someone who has spent more time with my brother's wife. She had apparently made some disgusting comments about my husband in the past. She had said he looks like a 'lezhin comics character'... It feels nasty to direct quote her so I will just paraphrase, she basically implied he is so SA-able and/or would be doing the SA or something. I don't know if any of this has to do with the context of these types of comics. This was all apparently said in a WhatsApp chat but no proof of the conversation because the person who told me said she got a new phone and didn't back up her WhatsApp. I don't have any reason to believe she would make this up though.
I didn't confront my brother's wife about this comment because it was said a long time ago and it just doesn't seem worth bringing up. We have just continued our no contact.
Like I said.. pretty boring update. But it's TRULY my final one now that the wedding is over. : )
Comments
donname10
At this point i would go nc. The parents are useless, the husband reputation is being tainted and there's nothing op and the family can do except just accept thats how it it(loser if you'd ask me). There will be potential more hideous incident in future if the husband keep attending op's family gathering where the sil would be there and im afraid, it will effect op's marriage soon or later if no nc at this point. Idk abt you guys, but i prefer prevent than repair, there are something in life you cannot repair.
PuzzleheadedTap4484
Wow that’s crazy. Definitely keep your distance from SIL and maybe put up some more cameras. I pity your brother because he’s in for a rough ride with the person he chose to marry and procreate with but then again he doubles down and backed her outrageous claims. Hopefully you can move on without any more issues with the crazy SIL. I would be wary of family dinners or holidays without recording them to protect yourselves.
I am not the OOP. Please do not harass the OOP.
Please remember to be civil in the comments