Dating someone who was good for me made me depressed when he ended it

A few months ago, I met someone and we were dating for 2 months. We had very intense contact, would text every day and have phonecalls that would last up to 8 hours, because it was long distance. It helped me a lot with my hypervigilance because he would always assure me that I didn’t ask too much and my needs are valid and tell me that he liked me. He’s also very anxious and has depressions and anxiety and we bonded over past experiences of asking for „too much“. I would do the same for him and assure him he’s not asking too much. We had phonesex and sex when he visited me and looking back, it was a big deal to me. He was so respectful and considerate, I have never felt so safe with someone, not even with my ex whom I dated 2,5 years. Normally I wouldn’t have trusted a stranger as much but he is one of my roomies best friends. My roommate is one of my closest friends and I trust him a lot. He knows about the abuse I went through and always supported me and helped me get out of horrible past situations. He himself also experienced abuse and rape and only surrounds himself with sensitive and aware people so I trust his judgement a lot when he told me that I could trust his friend. When the person I dated visited me for four days for the first time, something felt off. It was also super beautiful but something was weird. He told me that he felt a lot of pressure and didn’t want to disappoint me. We decided to think about what we want and need and talk after a few days. We would do that regularly so I wasn’t really concerned. I thought it was a checkup as always. When we started the phonecall everything was fine. We were planning our next date, when I would visit and talked about our week. Then I told him what I needed in terms of contact and communication for this relationship to continue. He agreed to try to do all of these things and everything was very positive. When it was his turn to talk about what he needed, he told me what he needed from me, but ended his statement with him not being ready to date. I asked him what that meant and he realized in that moment, it would mean we would have to end this. It came as a complete shock to me (and apparently to him too). I asked him if he hadn’t thought about the consequences so far and he said no. We hung up and I was so aroused that I couldn’t even remember the conversation and had to do a lot of coping strategies to stop dissociating. We talked again a few days later and he told me that his depression is so bad that he can’t believe I actually like him. He hates himself so much and he can’t overcome his fear of hurting me even more if we kept dating. I was really devastated and now I don’t know what to do. I never dated someone who understood me so well and accepted me just the way I am without having to explain anything. I feel like my trauma makes it almost impossible to date even tho I really want to be with someone. I miss having an intimate relationship with someone, I miss sex, I miss having a significant other to cuddle and share your life with. And I can’t imagine going through that again. I was constantly looking for red flags and just when I felt safe, that security was taken from me. How do people deal with this? How do you cope with the massive loneliness and the loss of control? It’s been almost 2 months and I am still very depressed. He is moving to my city in 1.5 months and I don’t know how it will affect me. It’s really stressing me and I don’t know how to let go of him.