Am I The AHole

I (28 female) am engaged. I have not told anyone in my family about my engagement except for a small few. My fiancé (29 male) and I will be getting married in roughly 2.5 weeks. We have not told anyone on my side of the family about the wedding date except for the ones who know about the engagement. My family has the tendency to criticize me about everything I do. I was in a DV relationship with my 2 kids' father for quite some time. Some of my family members turned their back on me during that time. Once I got my children and I out of the situation and haven't looked back my family still doesn't include me or my children in family events or trips. Instead they told my mom they deserve an apology for me being in my dv situation and allowing myself to be manipulated by my children's father. Until they receive that apology is given they will not invite us. Fast forward to now. Someone who I thought was my friend told my cousins about the engagement and our wedding plans. My cousins have now been going around questioning my grandmother why I am getting married. One question specifically is if I am doing it for the benefits since my fiancé is in the military. Another is am I doing it just because one of my cousin's is also engaged and plans to get married next year. No one has asked if my children and I are happy and no one has asked me any questions. They have only gone to my grandmother. I have discussed this with my fiancé and he said our wedding day is about us and not them but he will support me witg whatever decision I make. Here's where the AITAH question comes in. My mom told me she wants me to tell the family so feelings aren't hurt and my fiancé would be fully excepted into the family. I asked why should I care about their feelings of not being told or included matter to me when they don't think about mine or my children's? AITAH for not telling or wanting my family at my wedding?