A very long note from a former addict-

I feel the need to tell my story, I lurk on this subreddit a lot because I was a very depressed young adult who wanted to try a fascinating drug for the sake of sick curiosity and decided to hedonistically continue for pleasure. I hope that anyone interested in this drug or someone trying to climb from the addiction comes across my story and may be further compelled to leave this toxic substance. Or if someone is going to use anyways that they are better informed at some more subtle downsides I've noticed.

Let's get the obvious out of the way, this drug kills. And it doesn't kill you easily. It will likely nearly kill you many times. And you will be traumatized by the near death experiences. People who use a fuckton come back from the trip sick and deeply unhealthy for months if not permanently. I would never ever recommend the stupid high dosages from those interesting trip reports you've read under any circumstances. If you have a death wish I can think of way better ways to die. This is all common knowledge, and therefore will not be the focus of my post.

I never exceeded 300mg. That doesn't make me a p*ssy, but it does make me naive. I figured I'd get away scott free, and I'm here to let you know that is unlikely to be the case if you're curious like I was. I started out with a routine. I would use twice a week and then skip a week, two days in a row. In this stage I was using 200mg. Here is what this experience was like for me.

My motor skills were inebriated like on alcohol to start. The signature heaviness and all. I always was a very willed person so I was able to walk and do chores I was obligated to like dishes with great difficulty. My arms and head sagged towards the ground at first and this effect left quickly after the first few experiences. My head was in a fog and every positive sensation was heightened. This drug can potentiate opiates as someone else in this sub has documented, I have no want for an opiate addiction but this alone felt impossible to kick in the later experiences.

Two months after my first experience I experimented with 300 for the first time. And by this point the heaviness was significantly lessened. My fifth experience. I believe that the positive sensation amplifications were stronger at the time but in retrospect I just think that this was chronic dysphoria. Chronic dysphoria. Never use this drug regularly. You will feel like shit 24/7. If you feel like shit off a drug, the drug is not a solution. It is the biggest red flag in the world when all you want are pills. Don't fool yourself into believing that break periods alone make you above addiction, if all you can think about is the next bender then you should double that break. The dysphoria is something I feel isn't talked about enough, you will feel the deepest apathy as your brain aches for stimulation. Sex, music, friendship, food, it'll all feel like shit.

I also noticed something else, neck itches. There's a great video that accurately shows what someone looks like on dph and their facial expressions flex muscles in the next. This felt odd. I spent a very long time looking in the mirror when under the influence just staring at myself, my default expression was a deadpan stare, mouth agape. Eyes filled with dread and fear. But also apathy. My skin became pale and my veins... I was very concerned about them. I felt very vasoconstricted at times so I tried to get my hands to vasodilate and the strange thing was is that I was able to do it in my hands fairly consistently. When I was sober they were permanently vasodilated. They looked extremely healthy but I was very worried. I decided I was in deep shit when I purchased a generic brand of 800 pills and was thrilled. I decided to start weening off.

This was hellish. My brain wanted the drug and I used one less pill every time. But when weening it is strange. You feel like a failure when you take the pills or at least I did, and it was the only time I could feel anything. I don't know if cold turkey or weening is better, but I stressed myself into a headache every trip. When my cravings allowed me to entirely stop I appeared mostly healthy if not dehydrated. There are harm reduction tips that I urge everyone to apply regarding this drug. Drink Pedialyte if possible or Gatorade. Get them fucking electrolytes in you regularly and hydrate a bunch. DPH will fuck you up and extra attention to your health is important. Take a little more rather than a little less water and nutrients to compensate. I'm no doctor, but Gatorade and multivitamins have helped me not feel like chronic shit to this day.

You would not believe how much exercise and stretching helped me get out of this hole. When on DPH and withdrawaling from DPH the dysphoria makes you extremely fucking numb. Your muscles become less active because why express emotions when you can't feel? Move that body. Smile, frown, roll your eyes. Fake your emotions until you can feel things other than sadness and apathy.

Your time in DPH withdrawal will be depressing as fuck, so your hobbies probably won't feel satisfying. This was extremely dismal for me. I'm a very passionate person regarding art, info sciences, ect. If you don't feel satisfaction in these things I'd recommend doing exactly the things you don't want to do that you think would make your life better. Clean your shit up, take care of yourself. If it benefits you long term physically to do it, do it. Be gentle of course, this drug does damage you, but one needs to flex muscles to build them back up. Recovery will be hard, and you don't get there by giving up. Even if you believe yourself to be cooked forever resigning yourself to that belief will seal that deal. You never get better by giving up on progress.

Relapsing will always feel terrible and I don't recommend it. The withdrawal symptoms will come back. Months after this shitty addiction a relapse of any sort would leave me feeling like I was wasting my life away for a week at least. Dysphoria is hell. Avoid that apathy at all costs. It hurts to care, but being forever severed from investment is a hell I want for none of you. Caring is worth it. Don't let a single edgelord tell you otherwise.

If I did this drug once or twice at 200mg I would probably have found worth in it overall. My curiosity has thoroughly been sated, but the dysphoria... Never EVER do this drug regularly at any dosage. It feeds on your very ability to enjoy life, and I've experienced nothing making me happy. Don't let that be you.

And if you're in that hole, I can tell you from experience that months later, I've never been happier. Don't give up on fighting the dysphoria. That's what the drug wants. You can feel absolutely amazing sober, it just will take time. A few months ago I thought my life was ruined but I came back. I feel extremely lucky to be able to be the intelligent, capable person I once was. I don't want anyone to be trapped in that hole ever again.