At a crossroad, do I tear apart our lives?

I'm looking to hear from others who have been in my position.

From the outside we have a picture perfect marriage. We met in college, were each others firsts and have been dating for over 25 years, married over 20. We have two teenage daughters in highschool. We're both currently late 40s.

Our love life was never great other than the first year or two. My original sin in this story was staying with her after I discovered an emotional affair a year into our marriage. I read through many explicit sex conversations about her talking about doing things she never considered with me. She (I thought) was always the more sexually conservative person. She also declared her love for her AP in the messages I found. In the best times after this we had sex about 1/week at best, but usually more like 1/month. As the kids got older the sex dried up and we haven't had sex since before the pandemic.

She was always a pillow princess with me, but it was getting more awkward for me as I got older. She doesn't touch me at all, and the 'job' approach to intimacy just wasn't getting me aroused. I stopped initiating after multiple awkward conversations led to no changes. It was just too embarrassing for me to have to asking her for some physical touch to get things going. I still don't have problems in that area when I'm by myself.

But this decision to me is much more about sex. I don't think it's the main thing that has me debating what to do with me future. I feel we are stuck in an old couple rut already in life. Same routine every weekend and with her it's a struggle to be spontaneous and just go somewhere. I know kids are part of this but as they are now okay to leave at home I don't see changes. I am super itchy to start traveling the world, with long stays renting apartments in various countries for months at a time. I just can't see her doing this. I come from a family of explorers and my wife's family never go anywhere and just want to sit in front of the TV for every weekend. My wife is better, but still obviously from that family.

Secondly since we dated and got married young, I never really had an opportunity just to not have to answer to anyone. I just want to go places, not tell anyone where I'm going (no big secret, just don't want to answer) or when I'm coming home. I know this is not compatible with most people's views on marriage.

Has anyone been through this and decided to leave? How was your relationship with your ex wife? Especially how was it with the kids? I feel we were a good team to raise the children. I would love to stay on friendly terms with her since we obviously have shared a life and have two beautiful kids who we'll continue to parent... even after 18. I would die inside of I lost my bond with my kids, so this is my biggest consideration.

Financially we are fairly well off with some assets to split. I know I'd be on the hook for child support and alimony. Hopefully we could find something fair between ourselves without giving the lawyers all our money in a fight.

I don't want this to be a blame game if I decide, but I don't even know what to say to her. I think my first step is to find a therapist, something I never saw myself doing.