Justifying to myself

I feel like I constantly now have to justify this divorce to myself. I filed and told her over a year ago. Maybe it’s all my fault. I know it takes two people to fight. No cheating or anything terrible on each side. She will leave me alone for a couple days then blow my phone up. Why are you doing this to me and I can’t believe it. I know she’s manipulation me and she’s in my head. She makes me second guess myself about the past if something actually happened a certain way. She will not accept this. I’m just tired of the whole process and kinda wish I would have just shut my mouth. Venting sorry