Twice exceptional autistic adults
Are there any adults, maybe specifically women or high-masking people here that are gifted and autistic?
I was late diagnosed with "Asperger's" and assessed for giftedness 2 years ago. I feel like an impostor with both groups since I fit neither category neatly.
When it comes to my autism...
- my above average cognitive abilities helped me learn the social stuff I dont "get" intuitively by compensating intellectually (I'm very high masking, you would not "clock" me as autistic)
- pretending to be human is this huge internal struggle no one except me knows about
- I feel like I'm not autistic enough for the "typical autistics" and not normal enough for the neurotypicals
- I've basically internalized all my symptoms and issues from a young age, "pretending" to be someone I'm not, leading to severe somatic and mental health issues
When it comes to the giftedness...
- I seem way slower than other "smart" people at grasping certain things since it takes me longer to process and think about things
- my bottom-up way of thinking makes me come to conclusions slower than average people would
- I'm pretty dumb at simple "hands-on" things like driving a car or cooking, basic executive functioning is a challenge
- I feel like my cognitive abilities have declined a lot since adolescense due to autistic burn-out
Over all I feel like I'm constantly oscillating between burn-out and bore-out and not belonging in either groups. Always feeling like some sort of alien.
Do any women or other high-functioning/high-masking folks relate? Would you mind sharing your experiences with life?