testo gel on tdick

I am here to admit that early in my T journey I kinda put the gel onto the little thingy down there. It hurt a lot but I kinda started feeling it as a kink and couldn't jerk it otherwise anymore. Now I am on shots so I don't do it anymore. But sometimes when I am really high... well I kinda press hard because I "believe" that there is a dick just hidden or sometimes (me being high) I kinda believe that I can press my balls out. When I am sober I think it's totally ridiculous, but sometimes the hopes are there...

just wanted to get it off my chest.