Dissolving marriage

My wife(34f) and I (33m) have been going through a rough patch for the last 2 months. Together for 17 yrs, married for the last 5, 3 kids together.

She started therapy a while back and needed space to work on herself which was no problem, but after a month of that it became more space than I was comfortable with. I just slowly shut down in order to accommodate. Basically moved to the basement, make my own meals, keep my clothes in totes. It grew to feel like the new normal after a while and now it feels fine.

So we talked about how the way things are and I slipped and said “it feels like I love you, just in a different way”. She referred to us as being more like roommates than a couple, I prefer the term co-parent.

Where things really hit the fan was this last week. In mid January, I received a bonus through work. 2 days later I see a notification from my bank that money had been transferred (not uncommon). What was a big deal was the amount. $3000. I asked her about it and she had moved it to her separate bank, her RSP/TFSA. Without discussing or ask. When I pressed the matter more she said it was easier to ask for forgiveness than permission. Then after she booked an overnight trip for the kids birthdays coming up, again no discussion, without looking at when I’m working. It’s booked for when I’m on shift. I snapped at that one admittedly. She confessed to forgetting about me.

That’s where we’re at. I can’t afford to move out and I don’t want to abandon my kids. I jokingly asked one kid, what he’d think if I moved out. He said “ then I’d be all alone”. Broke my heart. I think I’m just so tired, I don’t care if things work out. Just need to vent.

Thanks.