Fighting begins when the conversations start

This is my second post on this issue, even though last time I promised myself that if things don't change, I would end this relationship. However, in a certain way things have changed — we're closer and, after a few difficult conversations, my LL partner has made it clear that she wants to work on this relationship and her attitude towards sex.

My ask to you all is very simple: what are some tips and tricks that you can point me to when navigating a conversation in which you're trying to communicate to your partner that the reason for their LL may be psychophysical, and therefore requires some kind of external help? Here's why I believe this is the case and what our conversation usually ends up like.

For starters, I would divide our issues into two different categories, though I'd imagine they may end up being in the same one. The first one is the lack of initiation on her end, which, as you all perfectly well know, can be very, very frustrating. Now, to be fair, it's not as if she doesn't initiate at all, but 1) it's very rarely — perhaps once or twice a month — or 2) when she does, it results in a failed attempt because she can't get turned on. The second is pretty much related to the latter — when we attempt to have sex, she oftentimes ends up completely dry down there, no matter what I do. What makes this worse is that even if we use lube, for instance, she does not enjoy it at all because it causes her pain.

As anyone else desperate enough to save a relationship, I've done enough digging that allows me to link this to two main things: hormonal issues (estrogen levels) and pain during sex (many reasons for that). However, every time I suggest that any of these may be at the root of our issues, she completely shuts down. If I go on, we end up having a huge fight, in which I'm basically accused of making her feel as if there's "something wrong with me".

Now, I've tried making it clear that I'm not trying to put the blame on her, but merely exclude these as causes for all this. All I'm asking from her is to get her hormones tested and see her gynecologist to whom to explain her dryness and pain issues so that we can determine whether there's something she or we can do about it. Or, last but not least, talk to a therapist because I can see that sometimes she simply can't relax enough and/or feels somewhat passive or even shuts down to a point where she closes her eyes and waits for it to end.

So, what are some tips and tricks that you can point me to when navigating a conversation in which you're trying to communicate to your partner that the reason for their LL may be psychophysical, and therefore requires some kind of external help?