Helpless and hopeless...

I don't know what to say but living my life has become hell nowadays. I didn't took any psychedelics and now I suffering from ego death or maybe due to nervous or mental breakdown where i lost myself completely. I can't live anymore. I don't remember who I was. That old self i created was a masterpiece in nature. I was on cloud nine. I felt like all my childhood trauma gave me this gift of just being myself because of everything that I did was full of perfectionism and excitement. I built my life where I had nothing. But now I have lost everything that I had. My college, my internship, my friends, my psyche and even my identity. I'm nobody right now. I feel like to suicide. I just can't bear it. I even went to the professionals but even they can't help me out. If anyone can relate to me then please help me out of this crap. I want to find myself back. I want my old self back