Anyone else going through this with their mum/ dad?

Hey fam. I hope to hear your opinions on issues related to mothers and their children. I am a last born in my family (of 3) and I am the only girl (33F). I have a 5yr old. We were raised by our mother. Dad has never been in the picture.

My mum struggled to raise us and I am blessed and was able to buy properties a few years ago, built a beautiful home for her, bought her a car and retired her from a small business she was doing which at some point was not doing well so I retired her when she hit 60yrs. She now keeps busy by doing small scale farming at a piece of land I bought and she rares chicken for domestic consumption and not for selling.

I first noticed an issue when I had my child. For example, I once asked my mum what I would make for my child at 6 months old. Her response was “usiniulize, nikiwalea sikua nauliza mtu” I also once asked her to please look after my baby while I go to the market because if I went with the baby, I would be forced to leave my child with the taxi driver (who is our friend and neighbor) but since the baby was now weaning, I thought I could use a matatu and save some money, for about an hour to go and shop and come back. This was during covid time so I avoided to use matatu na mtoto. Her response was “kila mtu na mzigo wake, usifikirie you can order me around because you provide everything, I can go and leave you this house. Mimi ni mbaya ni Neema ya Mungu tu” I was so hurt and I could not belive this was my mum. Mind you, I had gone back home for me to have my child at home because I felt like I needed my mother at that time.

I was buying everything and taking care of us. I had at that time quit my job so I was surviving on savings. She would also tell me to pay my brother for doing some jobs here and there at home like cutting the grass etc and if I said I don’t have money, she would say that I should pay him the same way I would have hired a person to do it.

At some point, I had to leave the country and my mum, graciously agreed to stay with my child. I have never not sent upkeep back home of 30k each month. When I first went back home, I found out that my mum had given out some of my cloths and shoes. I expressed that I was not happy with that and that she could have asked me if she can give out some of my stuff since we talk everyday on phone. She did not think that that was wrong to do.

When I bought her a car, I topped up the upkeep to 40k each month. This money is only for her and my child for food and the only bill she has ni stima. I take care of the dayburg, landscaping, kitu ikiharibika home I pay for it etc. I buy them cloths, shoes , I pay for wifi and everything they need. She and my child.

My mum, however, after two weeks ya kutuma 40K, she always says hana pesa. She always finds a way to point out hana pesa. She will say things like “stima imeisha na sina pesa” or mtoto anakohoa na hakuna dawa na sina pesa” one time she told me to buy for her a dress she wanted, I told her I couldn’t afford at that time. At the same time, my child needed something for school which was going to cost me 2,500. My mum was upset that I couldn’t buy for her the dress she wanted yet I could afford to buy my child something that costs 2,500. Another time she said they are building their church and they have a goal of 10k per person. I told her I would give her 5k . My mum’s response was “Sasa hiyo ingine nitatoa wapi” 😳 .

Everytime I tell her to ask my elder brother, she always says “yeye hana” . No one lives the way my mum lives in our area. I have tried telling her to stop asking me for money all the time and to be content with what I give her but it hasn’t worked. She will still find a way. I keep telling her I only get paid once and I can’t afford anything in between so she should manage what I give her. I educate my child and one of my brother’s child.I have asked my mum to save even just 500bob for rainy days- she tells me she is not able to and that I can’t understand. I have literally two homes I am supporting. My house where I am and my mum.

I love my mother and I would do anything for her but I feel like she is taking advantage of me and has forgotten that she is living an answered prayer. I feel like she has forgotten where we have come from and it’s hurting me so much! My mum has traveled the world with me and has tasted the best things in life curtesy of me. Sometimes when I call home, she kind of makes it hard for me to talk to my child. She will say things like “anakula or tunaenda kuoga or she will constantly talk to my child on the background making it hard for us to have a conversation . Or she will say tunampigia kelele. Everytime she does or says something that hurts and I express myself, she always hangs up on me.

Let me mention that there is a piece of land my brothers and I are supposed to share. She later told me niwachie my brothers wauze iwasaidie because mimi nimebarikiwa. I was confused by that because, am I not her child too? Why are my brothers more deserving than me? When I first bought my first 2 properties many years ago, my mum asked me to give one property to my brothers which I refused and we did not talk for a while. I am a single parent who is struggling to make ends meet. I work 2-3 jobs to make ends meet and she knows that but she still asks and asks. My mum never calls me to ask me how I am doing out here in a foreign country. I am the one who calls home every day 3 times a day to speak to her and my child. Even when I call, she never asks me how I am. If I see my mum’s call I always know it’s about money.

I know contributed to her being this entitled because when I started doing well in life I wanted to upgrade her life and I did so without knowing I was spoiling her and did not know that it would later catch up with me. People out here are going through so much and I am one of them. I had an outburst recently and I told her to be appreciative- she said “how do you want me to appreciate you yet I pray for you”. I appreciate the prayer but I told her I need her to be my mother and extend some grace to me because she can’t see how much I am doing single handedly. Since then she has not talked to me. When I call because I must call to talk to my child, she hands over the phone to my child.

At this point, I am just praying that I am able to take my child to be with me soon and give my family a break for a while because I might just run crazy! Are people going through things with their parents?