I want a divorce. Please help.

My partner is undiagnosed and has destroyed most of my social network. My kids are teens. I've spent years wondering if she was consciously abusing me and gaslighting me. I read a lot about NPD and BPD, neither seemed to fit exactly. I've concluded she absolutely fits OCPD and is just trying to be a good person but is super anxious and controlling, which often manifests as anger. I'm personally in a bad place. Contact with friends and family is frankly stressful and embarrassing. I've become clinically depressed. Long story short, I want out. But because I have to usually carefully introduce even small changes in our routines, I'm wondering how I can tell her and help her get through this. I've spent fifteen years constantly caretaking this person and I don't want to hurt her. But I need to get my life back or I'll jump off a bridge. How can I best and most humanely go about this?