Breaking my foot was the only way my husband understood the mental load (10/10 do not recommend)

I want to share my story about the mental load and how my husband finally understood what I’d been carrying all this time.

Seven weeks after my second daughter was born, my brother (my only sibling) passed away unexpectedly. It broke me. My husband stepped up for a couple of weeks, but soon, I was back to carrying everything including our kids’ routines, the house, the mental juggling act because I didn’t want my grief to disrupt their lives.

Then, when my youngest was 4 months old, I broke my foot and needed surgery. I was completely out of commission for weeks, doped up on pain meds, unable to do anything. My husband had no choice but to take over.

That’s when it hit him. He came to me one day and said, “I’m so sorry, I had no idea.” For the first time, he truly got it. Since then, he’s been so much better about sharing the load. We still slip into old patterns sometimes, but he’s not the same man he was before.

The truth is, even when they think they understand, they often don’t because they’ve never had to carry it. Sometimes it takes stepping into the role fully for them to really see it.

Anyone else have a turning point like this with your partner? What helped them finally understand?