wtf! I’m so disappointed in myself

This is the week I’ve been looking forward to for MONTHS!

Today is the day he went away for 5 days. I could not WAIT. My daughter and I were so excited we were going to have 5 full days of no fighting, no yelling, no arguing, no walking on egg shells, etc.

But he’s been gone for 3 hours now and I feel empty. Am I THAT attached to ALL the drama he brings? What’s wrong with me? I’m no longer excited. I’m actually scared to be alone. I have anxiety so I always think the worst, like what if someone tries to hurt me and he isn’t here? (I know, that’s very far fetched)

He literally planned this getaway without asking me or inviting me (it’s to see family) so I SHOULD be angry, if anything.

And to top it off, it’s a big week for me. I have something going on at work that’s a big achievement i accomplished and a few other things that his presence would have been nice to have. Any other week would have been better but he picks the one week with a few important things happening.

Is this what divorce is going to feel like? This is why people say it’s so hard? Bc you literally crave all the crap they bring to the table? Ugh.

Well I’ll be celebrating with just my daughter tonight & I guess just thank god I have her at least.

But please, someone tell me why I feel this way. I’ve been so excited for him to just leave so we can have quiet for 5 days and no BS… but it’s not starting off that way.