First time father with OCD - crazy levels of overthinking and anxiety.

Hey there, we recently had our first child. A little daughter after many years of trying. She was over 4 weeks premature and spent a week or so in NICU. We have her home now the past 5 days and to say my OCD has kicked in horribly would be an understatement.

I am constantly overthinking and catastrophizing the worst possible things that can happen. She has reflux so is not sleeping well at all and sounds under pressure when she is down in her cot. The hospital were happy tor discharge her but I can't help thinking she is not ok. For example I have spent the last two nights wide awake from 1am to about 8am just watching her in her cot to make sure everything is ok. I won't be able to keep running on very little sleep so I will have to try correct this. I also have other first time father concerns like feeding and winding her but I'm trying to get on with that. I really want to do as much as I can and not leave it all to my partner but I did go missing today doing other work around the house to avoid doing anything with the baby. It's not that I'm lazy, it's just that I'm actually terrified. My partner is great and she is so understanding but I really want to make it easier for her by pulling my weight and getting stuck in.

A history of bad OCD and now severe lack of sleep is creating a perfect storm of overthinking and crazy levels of anxiety. As I said my main concern is when she is down in the cot and breathing. It's crazy the dark places your brain will go when it's the middle of the night and you're just watching a child you love so much try to sleep. Not easy to admit this but I've been very upset a few times since she has come home due to worrying so much.

I need to try calm down about it, was even considering contacting my doctor to try get Xanax, etc but then again I don't want to be taking anything while trying to stay sharp and awake watching my child.

I appreciate any help or advice for anyone who has gone through this? From fathers or mother's.