I might be burning out. Advice?
My mental health has been terrible for years. Ever since 14, it was bad, then 15 it got worse, than at 16 it got even worse than 15, and now at 17, my mental health is still terrible. I have no therapist, no friends, no support. Ive never had friends. I base my entire life around work. and nothing else matters to me than work. Even this summer, I studied 100h in may, 100h in june, 100h in july and 45h in august to prepare for grade 12. It didnt help much. I was pretty good at adv func at first and got a 95 in a quiz(couldve easily gotten a 100), but now im the worst student in the class. I have a test coming up next tuesday, and I feel like Ill get in the 30s based on my current level of knowledge. When weekends come, I consider it as more time for work while others consider it as a time to relax. Im way more serious than everyone else, yet im doing worse than others. Why? I wake up at 3:30am to do work just because everyone else cant do it. But I had to stop eventually because it doesnt have the potential to do long hours since I have to get ready for school.
Ive been struggling with mental illness and it flared up yesterday. I literally cant function in math class anymore. My brain cant compute anything in that class these days, and everyone else is getting ahead while im at this level. I havent understood any of the lessons for multiple lessons in a row. I wish I could spend the time to only focus on math and polish my math skills(I used to be good at math), but I have an absolute mountain of work constantly, and I literally have no time to prioritize one subject. Nothing else matters to me than work, yet the ones who relax are getting higher grades. Its frustrating. I put my self worth based on my grades. I developed a dependency on academic validation. Yet I still suck.
My average for adv func is in the 70s. My english mark is alright, but its not in the 90s. Im going to major in CS. Ive been suffering for years and now I feel like my energy is getting more and more depleted. I hate highschool with a passion, I really do. Ive been wanting to go to uni for years. I just want this nightmare to end. Everyone else gets to be happier and hang out with friends, and ask their friends for help, but I dont. I dont have time, I dont have support, I dont have therapy. I dont know what to do, it feels like my world is crumbling. I need to fix this immediately. Im so scared, man.