Visited family w/ LO & it did not pass the vibe check. What was the reason? What can I do?

I (34f) don’t see my MIL (nor my FIL) as often as I’d like the last few months because she became really busy when summer arrived. She has seen my 9 mos old 3 times in the last 3 months. I am not bitter about it, I just really wish she had time to more. I look for opportunities all the time and try to invite her to us, but have become insecure about continuing to since she’s declined a couple times in a row. She lives about 45 minutes from us and I would and do come over any time she invites us, she just doesn’t too often lately. I really adore her and besides, I’m a SAHM who’s tired and kind of lonely. I’d love help or company.

She invited us, my husband (38m) and the baby, last weekend to stay for a night, and we happily obliged. We hadn’t seen her since Father’s Day.

Ok, but stuff sucked while there…really unexpectedly. I feel, like, sad and kind of unwelcomed? Or like the baby was an afterthought rather than like the point of the visit.

• while we were there, my MIL barely held or helped me with the baby AT ALL. From noon til 7pm the next night when we left, she held my baby exactly 3 times, for minutes each. Barely played with her. Didn’t take her on a walk, change her, spend any solo time with her, or just simply ask if she could help me with anything. Nothing. She was constantly working on a project, cleaning, chewing the fat with the many visitors that came through, or preparing dinner. She always has a lot of casual visitors because her sister and her family live next door, and her son and a few other relatives work the ranch they live on. She had them all over for dinner the second day, so she was preparing for and feeding ~15 people while we were there. I was not aware that was going on advance of our arrival. Usually when we visit, my MIL is so much more hands-on and focused on my LO, we didn’t consider to expect otherwise. But, we haven’t been there in over a month, so guess shit changed?
• MIL tried to feed my baby yogurt that expired on July 5th. I tasted it and thought it tasted funny. I went and looked at the date, and sure enough, almost a month past expiry. I tried to tell her my baby just didn’t like it, but she said we’ll save it and try again at lunch, and I didn’t want to do that song and dance again so I pointed out the expiry and she rolled her eyes. Put it back in the fridge and said another kid will eat it.
• my BIL fed my baby, at a different meal, with his fork he was using to eat his food. He’s my buddy and we get along good, but when I asked him to use my LO’s own utensil because he wouldn’t kiss her on the mouth would he? Both him and my MIL affected so bizarrely butt hurt (even though I didn’t even say the part about kissing, that was just my internal logic) and started mocking how he only raised 2 kids of his own, he must have no idea what he’s doing. Like what??! You good???!?
• usually when we stay over, we stay in a room in a less used wing of the house that’s basically just a hallway of 3 guest rooms. This time they had us stay in the guest suite above my FIL’s workshop. I’ve really no idea why. Nobody likes to stay in there because it’s so loud. It’s right next to the garden and fire pit where, if there’s socializing after dark, people congregate. Honestly, the noise was the least of my concerns even though my baby woke up with every hoot and holler and loud guffaw between 8 and midnight. I didn’t get to socialize at all at the fire and I wanted to, and my sister in laws etc kept saying “babies cry, it’s fine.” I was just like, ew. Yes, sure if I was letting her CIO to go to sleep, you’re valid. But she keeps being woken up FROM sleep and crying. It’s rude, to a baby or adult and an adult would probably be MORE pissed than my baby is. I don’t actually say any of this, I just focus on my baby and try to see the best in it. I am very happy to be there and glad to be among family. I couldn’t help taking note of the energy though.
• What annoyed me more was the smoking right outside our window at the fire pit by several people and all day from my FIL who just fiddles in his workshop then takes smoke breaks out front of it. When I told my husband we can’t stay in the workshop guest suite again because the smoke proximity makes me too nervous, he brought it up to his mother when we were getting ready to depart. Made a lighthearted request to stay in the non smoking section next time. She proceeds to give him a look which read like she was picking up he was doing my biding, and then said “[none of her other children] were concerned about [FIL etc] smoking outside when they had their babies.” She advised that our baby is breathing some of the cleanest air in the world (on account of where we live). This woman has never smoked. It was such an odd defense.

Thank you for making it this far.

Objectively, how would you proceed? Am I being too sensitive and this is within the scope normal and tolerable? Or would you not take advantage of further invites even though you crave their, especially MIL’s, company? Alternately, would you accept the next invitation but try to facilitate a conversation in advance about hopes for the time you’re there? Or like, how does one grow a ballsack and speak up in real time when the disses like I’ve described from last week there occur?

My MIL reached out to me today and asked if she could come up to visit Thursday afternoon with my SIL’s 6 year old, “Lydia.” While I’m so thrilled she’s reaching out, I’m bummed she wants to bring her grandkid that she sees all the time. My SIL lives less than 10 minutes away from my in laws and I honestly don’t think I’ve ever been to my in laws’ without Lydia being there at least at some point during my visit. I thought about responding with something like “that would be so great. I think [my LO] might look most forward to individual time with nana though. Could that be possible?” Or is that pushing my luck?

Sorry this is absurdly long and probably wasn’t even juicy. I do appreciate you though.

TL;DR: had an unusually bizarre visit with my husband’s family recently that left me feeling kind of like a loser, kind of patronized from all directions, and like my baby isn’t the thrill to her grandparents I thought babies are by default. I don’t know how to handle visiting them moving forward because while I crave their company and historically enjoy being around them, I really want to avoid setting the standard that I’ll settle for whatever attention me and my baby can get from them even if it’s minimal or dismissive.