I Feel Trapped Between Supporting My Partner and Protecting My Son

Greetings, everyone ~

I can’t tell you how relieved I am to have found this community. For so long, I’ve been carrying this weight alone, internalizing my stress because I’ve had no one to confide in. I feel so isolated, but knowing I’m not alone in this struggle..seeing others who understand, gives me a sense of comfort I haven’t felt in years.

I’ve been with my SO for almost 14 years, and we have an 11-year-old son. My SO was diagnosed with schizophrenia long before we met, but he refuses to acknowledge that he’s sick. He’s been hospitalized a few times, yet he rejects all medications, and over the past three years, his condition has worsened significantly.

When I first met him, he was sober—he didn’t use marijuana, though he drank occasionally. But three years ago, he started smoking weed, and everything changed. Since then, he’s become more delusional, paranoid, and angry. It’s taken a huge toll on my mental health, our relationship, and, most heartbreakingly, his relationship with our son. He lashes out at us, and a year ago, he had such a severe manic psychotic episode that he had to be hospitalized. The experience was deeply traumatic for both my son and me. His outbursts, rage, and cruel words are incredibly difficult to endure.

Lately, I’ve been learning more about schizophrenia and BPD, trying my best to be supportive, but it’s overwhelming. I feel lost. I want to help him, but I also have to think about my son who is terrified of his father. He’s been on the receiving end of verbal abuse, and it breaks my heart. Meanwhile, my anxiety attacks make it hard for me to think clearly or make rational decisions. I don’t even know what the “right” thing to do is anymore.

He just came down from another psychotic episode, and for the past two weeks, he’s been better, mostly because he hasn’t smoked. But today, he got more weed, and I’m terrified this will trigger another breakdown. Whenever I try to talk to him about my concerns, I’m met with anger and denial. I shut down out of fear.

How do you help someone who refuses to admit they’re sick? Who refuses treatment? I understand that for him, his delusions are very real. I do my best to listen to him and calm him down but unfortunately, it's taking a huge toll on my mental health. What can I do to help?