How does this happen?

I really don’t understand. And I am a couples counselor!! But even that contributes to my bias.

There are so many instances where it’s obvious why the relationship of 10+ years fails: someone is a cheater, someone struggles with addiction, someone is a chronic liar, someone gambles, drinks, is selfish, abusive, physically or otherwise, doesn’t help around the house, a mismatched lover, desire to live elsewhere, chooses others over the relationship, works too much, works too little, money problems…

So now that I find myself, 17 years in, no addictions, not abusive, make good living (after years of hard work rising to the top), help around the house, active parent, interesting in growth and keeping spark alive, crazy about my wife, finally own our own home, the one we’ve dreamed of, raising the two kids we’d always wanted and had to go to great lengths to make happen (fertility stuff)… all that and she suddenly wants out.

Wants to separate but have us live together during it. Has spent two months in this space but appears no closer to knowing what she wants.

I just don’t get it. I can’t relate. I am crazy about her. And not blind crazy, just healthy crazy.

I don’t know who she is anymore. This is so hard.