Alone vs Lonely. What I’ve learned after two divorces and several breakups.

47F here. Soaking in a warm bath last night after a day ALL to myself got me thinking how much I’ve healed and learned in the past 30 years.

You can hack “lonely”— yeah, it’s normal to have that sad feeling sometimes and miss being around someone or people in general, but guess what? You don’t have to live with them. Talk to a neighbor, have dinner with a friend, go to a dog park.. connect. We all need connection but we don’t NEED a live in partner.

“Lonely” for me is often just BOREDOM. When I’m not keeping my mind busy and challenged (creating, cooking, playing guitar, walking the dog, planning trips, etc) I can easily fall into the doomscrolling trap, feel left out or just blah. It’s when I get bored that I think about texting an ex or compare myself to friends. I am better about catching myself now, and redirecting my mind and energy.

For me, ALONE is freedom. It’s spacious and comfortable. I’m at the helm of my little ship. I choose how or if I’d like to connect with someone, each day.

ALONE is what pushes me to truly live my life! I don’t have the comfort zone of a partner to get lazy about what’s truly going to satisfy my heart and soul.

And not to get dark, but… We all will die alone, and I want to look back when I’m old and gray and think, “Damn, I fucking LIVED my life!”

You know?