Familiar vs exotic femininity

Something I've wanted to discuss about for a long time is the benefits and importance of tapping into familiar femininity instead of more traditional femininity- this however did not go well for me the last time I posted since I was attacked by group of sanskari women- so I will ask of you as a reader to behave. If you dont agree with my stance on this then kindly leave- I dont need your comments and I have no interest in arguing with you- it's a waste of my time. However, if you are someone who is ready to challenge the status quo when it comes to how we present ourselves then feel free to leave comments and your own reflections and tips on this topic. I'm interested in discussing about this with likeminded people so please leave if you want to argue, it's very mentally draining.

Now to the topic at hand, what is the difference between familiar femininity and exotic femininity?

Familiar femininity is femininity that is familiar to the majority of people in western countries- it's feminine aesthetics that has a more mass appeal since it is promoted by the media and has historical and cultural ties to western countries. An example of this are the pictures above- while gowns and princess tiaras might not be the south asian definition of femininity- from a western perspective this style of clothing is considered more feminine compared to lets say a saree or lehenga.

I'm not saying that to be feminine you have to prance around in a gown and tiara- BUT generally your femininity will be awknowledged more if you adjust your style to fit into more western feminine aesthetics vs wearing a salwar kameez. Not only will it lead to more people awknowledging your femininity and beauty, but you will also increase the social status of desi girls by appealing to more western beauty ideals.

Now, you could argue that stating this in itself is problematic- that we should be able to express ourselves however we want and still be appreciated and considered equally feminine- but society doesnt work like that. People are more likely to consider you beautiful if you fit into current beauty ideals and one way to achieve this is by developing a style more in line with western aesthetics. This doesnt mean that you have to dress in a boring/typical style, you should develop your own style and find what colors, silhouettes and aesthetics suits you. But the goal here is to not feel like you can only express your femininity by wearing desi clothes because you feel bound to your culture or the expectations from family, relatives etc. The second goal is that you feel free to explore styles that are not associated with desi culture despite us not having that much representation in media. The lack of media representation might make you feel like you couldnt pull off certain looks that other groups of women can but you should not feel that way. You should feel comfortable enough to explore feminine aesthetics however you wish. The third goal is to gain a sense of femininity that neither desi or western societal expectations can impact- an important part of becoming a woman is to have confidence in yourself and in your femininity. You dont allow your family, culture or self-doubt hinder you from expressing and developing your femininity- that is the ultimate goal.

For my last point- I'll state some of my reflections on why it's bad to only rely on exotic femininity. What I mean by exotic femininity is femininity that isn't rooted in western culture. Now, I'm not saying that you can never wear a lehenga or embrace your culture, what I'm saying is that exotic femininity while it has its positives also comes with negatives. One of the the negative aspects connected to exotic femininity is the concept of "Othering"- which means that people who often wear clothes associated with being foreign/a specific minority religion will be judged and treated as lesser for it. People who wear "foreign" clothing might even be targeted which could then lead to violence. One historical example of this are the "dotbusters"- american men during the 70s-90s who killed desi women for wearing bindis. Desi women were specifically targeted by these men for looking foreign/wearing bindi. Another aspect of "othering" is fetiscization and masculinization. While there are both pros and cons of fetischization (which I will discuss more thoroughly on another post), masculinization has little to no benefits for women. Masculinization is often reserved for groups of woc who for whatever reasons dont fullfill western beauty ideals. When these groups of women are masculinized they are often portrayed as the antithesis to ⚪️ women- it's basically a racist way of making sure the majority group (⚪️ women) remain on their societal pedestal as the epitome of femininity and desirability. When you are portrayed this way- it's easier to excuse violence and bigotry against you- since respect, representation and sympathy is reserved for women who are deemed feminine enough.

This is why it's so important to push back against societal stereotypes and cultural pressures that hinders you from being feminine and focusing on your beauty. Beauty and femininity is power whether we like it or not, so be critical of the messages society and the culture/cultures you belong to are sending your way- the more you analyze the more you will see the hidden agendas that are trying to hold you back. You have to claim your right to femininity and beauty- because no one will give you free privilege since other groups of people win a lot by keeping you down.