Texans' Azeez Al-Shaair was in a dark place after his suspension. How a talk with the NFL helped him

“I think the letter and the language that was used in it, and kind of the misconceptions of what my career has been, it was hard,” Al-Shaair said Wednesday in his first public comments to media since the suspension. “Not being able to be around anybody being in the facility, I was in a really dark place.”

The NFL suspended Al-Shaair for three games without pay for the hit on Lawrence while the quarterback was sliding. Al-Shaair couldn’t use the team facilities. He couldn’t attend meetings, practices or games. He was forced to stay home.
So for the first five days of his suspension, Al-Shaair said he did nothing. He didn’t eat. He didn’t go anywhere. He didn’t talk to anyone. He sat in a room quiet with his thoughts.
“It was a like a blur,” he said.

Al-Shaair has been through a lot in his life. He was homeless for some time during his childhood. He helped raise his two younger brothers while he was in college at Florida Atlantic. His family home caught on fire. But the suspension, he said, was the toughest thing he’s had to go through in his life.

Coach DeMeco Ryans, general manager Nick Caserio and others in the Texans organization objected to the NFL’s characterization of Al-Shaair. They thought it went a step too far. So did Al-Shaair, who said he initially had no desire to continue his football career. Ryans then recommended Al-Shaair talk to NFL commissioner Roger Goodell.
“From my perspective, making sure that he talks to the powers that be in the NFL, so they can really, truly understand who he is as a man,” Ryans said.

Al-Shaair said he was initially against the idea because he didn’t feel the need to prove himself.
But there was one thought he just couldn’t shake.
Why did Runyan feel he didn’t respect the game?

The week leading up to the Texans’ Dec. 21 game against the Kansas City Chiefs, Al-Shaair made the decision to travel to New York to meet with Goodell, Runyan and Troy Vincent, the NFL’s executive vice president of football operations, at the league office.
Al-Shaair described it as a transparent and productive conversation. He said Goodell explained why the decision was made to suspend him. And though Al-Shaair didn’t necessarily agree with three games, he understood the NFL’s stance in trying to protect players.
He also took responsibility for continuing the brawl.
“As a man, I clearly made a mistake,” Al-Shaair said. “The reason he typed (the letter), is because I did something that was obviously not right. Me taking my helmet off, me starting another brawl, that wasn’t right.” But he stood on his assertion that he did not intentionally hurt Lawrence.

Al-Shaair said getting that clarity from the NFL, as well as clarity that he won’t become a target from the league, helped him get to a better place mentally.
He has since been able to move past it.

The entire story here: https://www.houstonchronicle.com/sports/texans/article/azeez-al-shaair-jon-runyan-suspension-20010860.php