I’m leaving my BF, a sexist pig.
I hate to admit that I didn’t see this sooner. My boyfriend has never liked to clean or been particularly good at it. He doesn’t cook either. When I was young I figured that all men were like this. I now regret moving in with him and getting serious.
I actually like cooking and cleaning so at first I didn’t mind but I’ve absolutely been taken advantage of. My meals are made from scratch (mostly) and I sometimes spend 3-4 hours in the kitchen prepping and cooking. My boyfriend never has to make his own plate, I bring it to him at the table, along with his condiments and whatever else. I clear the table AND do dishes after I cook. He never offers. He is nice enough to buy me an extra meal if he gets fast food, but he has never cooked at home.
It goes unspoken, but I am also responsible for all the house chores. If I don’t do them, they simply won’t get done. This includes picking up after my boyfriends messes, cleaning his trash, cans, clothes etc. Of course I try to address this with my him and it turns into a heated argument every time.
I ask why he expects me to split bills 50/50 and do 100% of the house work. He then says things like “you’re lucky I’m not charging you market rent, which is $1,200” (that’s the ENTIRE amount of his mortgage and car loan). He claims that because I’m paying less than I was at my previous apartment where I lived alone, that I should just be happy.
If I push the arguments any further he just gets mad and starts yelling.
On the other hand, when I tell him I want to leave because I don’t like the arrangement, he back peddles and tries to negotiate.
Not only have I been very stressed and overwhelmed with my work load, I’ve been disgusted with his attitude about the situation, thus I’ve stopped being intimate with him. I have no desire. He then started making comments like “You should worship me as a man” and “I should be able to f*ck you whenever I want”. EW.
I’m over all of it so I’m taking the rent money that I would’ve given him and leaving with it next week. We had no formal long term agreement, thankfully. Hopefully he finds someone who can keep up with his needs.
EDIT: I didn’t want my original post to be too long but realize there’s some things to clear up. 1. Some people were confused about the actual split - it’s slightly complicated as some of the bills are grouped together, some are paid monthly, others every 3 months or so, etc. But in short, I do pay less in utilities because I am paying part of his car loan (I don’t touch the car).
- We did have an agreement that he would be do roughly 50% of the house work (except cooking). I gave him the money in full and he didn’t clean at all after that.
3.The reason I labeled him a “sexist pig” in the title is because when he is confronted with questions like “why didn’t you help clean this month?” His only excuse is that he’s a man, and men aren’t good at that, he’s still learning etc. When I say that doesn’t make sense because I know plenty of men who cook and clean, that’s when the yelling starts.
Sorry to everyone that suggested I ghost him and leave in secret - I unfortunately already told him I couldn’t live like this or be with him anymore. I did NOT tell him where I’m going.
I realize I’ve enabled this behavior and I’m done. He’s already slightly falling apart as I started doing the bare minimum around the house. If I need a plate and fork I’ll wash only that and leave the rest for him to wash himself if he wishes to eat. I also bought myself a bunch of snacks and stopped cooking. Last night he tried to cook a hamburger and ate it raw.
He’s been all over the place since I’ve told him I’m leaving. At first gets angry saying things like “leave, you don’t do anything for me anyways”. I’ve told him he will not bully me into believing I do nothing and accepting an unfair arrangement. Then he says “if you stay I promise to help around the house” and “you’re being crazy, you don’t have to leave.” And “You should just let me knock you up”. etc. it’s been a rollercoaster but I’m dealing with it the best I can and trying to stay calm.
Anyways, I think that’s all for now. Thank you for all of your kind and encouraging comments. I hope everyone in a similar situation is able to break free and find their happiness!