I realized something about myself as a professor that I never knew

It's almost 3am, and I keep thinking about this shooting. While I was not on campus at the time, I had this profound realization during/after the shooting.

I would die if it meant saving any of my students. It's crazy because I've never felt like that before. You hear people in movies and on TV saying things like that, but it's always been this abstract thing, like "yeah sure I'd sacrifice myself to save a loved one," but it's not attached to anything real. It's just a thought experiment. I also don't have kids, so I've never experienced that protective feeling before. But when I got those alerts on my phone, my entire focus and concern was on my students in a way that surprised me and...I understand it now.

I think my friends might think I'm weird for saying any of this. Shit, you guys might think I'm weird too, but at least you all understand the complex emotions I'm having right now, much more than my friends who aren't part of the UNLV community.

Anyway, sorry for the long vent. I feel like I'm in a fog still. It's hard to focus and my thoughts have been kind of scattered. Love y'all. I hope you're all doing okay.