Truly feeling a lot of emotions rn

I’m sad or melancholy if you will, because I miss my mom and she’s dead so all I have is memories which I love remember, we have great ones but towards the end of her life, I realize we didn’t take a lot of pictures together so that makes me mad and I took pictures with a bunch of other people, but not her for some reason, I don’t know why and I’m pissed. My dad was sad about her too so I think it kind of brought up all those feelings in me too

I’m also a little melancholy about my ex cause I miss him and truly all I want to do is just to be able to talk to him. me and him are on good terms by all means we are just taking space apart right now to figure ourselves out and to feel normal with ourselves again and I so want to respect all that, but right damnnn I just want to laugh with him and be in his presence and have that feeling of it us in this together. Also the future I see for him and I isn’t here yet and I know I have to be patient with it and sometimes I see and think about where I’m at now and where we are rn now and I become impatient and almost mad?? Or Frustrated if anything.

I’m mad at my work because they once again didn’t schedule me enough shifts at work so I have to ask why that’s happening when i literally left my day time job to work there full time!!! Smh and now I’m not getting full time hours wtff. It’s so annoying. We had a whole discussion of me working full time in November and now 3 shifts a week wtff. At this point I just want to be working at a new place and I’m hoping I can start working there asap. I have two places lined up. I’m sick of where I work now also almost everyone there is an asshole, just rude, or doesn’t care about doing a good job or even decent job. And I’ve never in my life worked somewhere like this in my life

I’m in a transitional stage of my life it seems where I’m just walking on a flat road trying to get to the bottom of a mountain so I can start hiking up it, it feels like.

I guess I’m going through the work of it all or the pain of it all to get to the good side?? If that makes sense

Also another thing, I love my friends I do but I just feel like I am in a different space and time than them. And with everything I’m doing it makes it hard to relate with any of them to a certain extent. I dont want to go out and drink with them not that I’d have to drink but seeing the atmosphere while being sober honestly makes you want to be elsewhere, I’m tired of talking to them about the things I’m excited about because they just don’t or wont get it or even give a good reaction to what I’m doing the excites me or the things I’m working towards that I truly want for myself. Even if I seem a little delusional I wish they could at least realize dang she’s actually choosing a path she wants to take and just be like hell yeah girl I’m glad you have a solid direction you now realize you want to go in. But a few have said they think I should be focused in a different way and I guess I’m tired of hearing their opinions. Especially When I don’t see them actively trying to love themselves more and truly benefit them more. I’m finally at a point where I only want to trust myself to do the right thing or make the right choice. No outside input besides my dad sometimes because I trust his opinion on work related things and some other stuff. I want to talk about the things I’m excited for but truly I’ve come to a point where I realize no one will get it or actually have a real conversation about it so I just sit with all the excitement and anticipation by myself. Im sure that once I start getting closer to where I’m wanting to be it might make it easier to start relating to my friends again. But right now the things their minds are focused on I don’t get it or I could careless about those same things and I’m sure they could say the same thing about the things I’m focused on and that’s okay. I don’t want to seem like I’m dogging on my friends I love them all to death and care for them all so much and will always support them and be there if they ever need me. I know we have love in our hearts for each other. Things just feel off right now.

I feel like I’m in that transition period in life where you have to do everything alone to make true change. And everything I’m feeling and going through right now I know my ex would be able to relate with me so that’s another reason I’m frustrated/mad we aren’t talking.

Definitely more I could say to explain more in each but I need to go to bed. So Hopefully that all makes sense and is easy to read and if you read it all thanks for listening.