They say when the pain gets great enough, but what if the pain is so great that I can not stop.

I just got out of treatment. I really fucked up this time. I have 3 different court cases and could spend some time in jail. In one week I caused more destruction than most people do in their lifetime. However, I don’t know what to do. I suffer with really bad mental illness and I can’t even leave the house. I’m just so anxiety ridden and stressed out from all this I don’t know how I’m going to survive.

I’ve been through the program, I’ve worked the steps, I went to meetings everyday, I even sponsored a guy for a very short period of time. I just can’t even talk to my mom about my court shit or anything for that matter because I just end up freaking out n having anxiety attacks. I just can’t even think about what I did without completely melting down because I’m so fucked mentally right now. My brain has been through a lot these last few months, especially after treatment where I went 6 days with no sleep and had a complete psychotic break.

I don’t know what’s even the point of writing this. It does help to just get shit out though right now. If any of you are still here thanks for listening.