As a transfem, am I wrong to dislike being represented by bearded people in dresses?

I'm a bit torn on this subject. On the one hand, I support everyone having the freedom to be who they want without hate, gender nonconformity is cool. On the other hand, I really really dislike the aesthetic, and I'm uncomfortable with how it is often used to represent transfeminine people in mainstream culture.

I'll admit, I don't get it. I've been dysphoric about hair on my body, and especially my face, ever since my teen years. I hate waking up every day with bits of stubble. I do my best to shave it off every morning, and just the feeling of it against my fingers makes me wish I could just rip my face off and replace it with perfectly smooth plastic if I had to. I hate looking in the mirror and seeing a 5'oclock shadow - I see it even when other people insist that I look perfectly fine. So, obviously, I don't like having facial hair.

When I see depictions of trans women with facial hair, it makes me uncomfortable. It's one thing if a transfem artist was the one responsible for it, but it's something else entirely when it's done by someone not transfem. It doesn't make me feel better knowing that some cis women get facial hair - especially because the ones who do usually do everything in their power to get rid of it, just like me. I don't appreciate it when other queer people, especially those who aren't transfem, gaslight me by claiming that I'M the problem, that I'm the bigot for disliking a transphobic caricature foisted on me as an example of "positive" representation for my identity. Again, I have no problem with people who present that way in real life - I can dislike the aesthetic while supporting their freedom to do it. I just don't like it when "bearded guy in dress" is conflated to be "trans woman." I don't like it when Libsoftiktok posts videos of bearded fems being cringe and then goes on to claim that we're all like that.

This is something that gets danced around a bit in trans circles, but I personally don't appreciate the demonization of trans people who pass or wish they passed. Yes, passing is a privilege, and it doesn't make anyone better than someone who doesn't. You don't have to pass to be valid. Still, telling dysphoric trans people that they're bad queers for wishing they passed better is just cruel. Telling them that they're assimilationist, upholding cisnormativity, etc is victim-blaming. Next you'll accuse trans people of upholding regressive gender norms and defending the patriarchy, and that actually being gender nonconforming is the highest form of gender progressivism. Well, congratulations - that is LITERALLY the viewpoint of TERFs and Gender Criticals.

I don't think most trans people transition for political reasons. Most of us want to live quiet lives without any drama or danger. We're not doing this to be subversive, to dismantle society, or to protest injustice. We're not drag queens or punk rock stars whose main goal in crossdressing is triggering conservatives. We don't do this to be "stunning and brave," to be sacrificial lambs for the rest of the queer community. Stop forcing us to the frontlines. Stop making us fight your battles.

I should not be alienated from the trans community for wanting a slice of happiness all to myself. I should not be called a bigot by my own side just for wanting representation that's actually attractive and aspirational. I should not be called a traitor just for wanting to pass.