CMV: Black-and-white Us-vs-Them thinking prevents us from resolving most social issues yet is impossible to avoid

I am starting this one with a genuine hope that someone can change my view. Please, change my view, I really hate having it.

This problem comes up everywhere, but I'll explain on the example of gender debate as it's what I'm most embedded in. I realise it's massive in politics but it's not what I'm focusing on here.

The one thing I battle with the most is the tendency to paint all men or all women as being this or that, and using it to justify dismissing them and their problems, saying they're not deserving of something, justifying being mean to them, discriminating against them while claiming they asked for it, punishing an individual for the sins of the group, and so on.

Very often B&W thinking is underlined by some painful personal experience with one person or more, which is then generalised to the entire gender. Sometimes it's super overt, like here (men think of their families, women only about themselves) or here (women want to help men but all they ever get in return is violence). Other times it's by implication, like here (highlighted comment implying that all women want marriage and will make it a disaster for men) or here (men are shit at dating, listing 10 sins which are hardly things only men do). I'm literally just picking a couple examples I've got fresh in my mind, but there are millions around.

It's usually examples of the Fundamental Attribution Error.

• Whichever side you're on, We are always the good ones and everything we do is good or, if it's bad, it's because They provoked us or deserved it anyway. Meanwhile, when They do something bad, it's proof of their wicked evil nature.
• Whichever side you're on, We are always the innocent victims and underdogs and They are the perpetrators in power.

Those basic narratives are so powerful and play so hard to the tribal thinking we evolved with, that it's incredibly hard to break out of them. The simplicity of this heuristic just makes it win with the complex truth that the world is not B&W but all shades and colours, that everybody is different and you can't just treat groups as monoliths. They might have power in this domain but we have power in another, many people in the group might have power but not necessarily this person, some of us are also pretty shitty sometimes while some of them are actually great, and so on.

Of course, there are many who know this. When you explicitly ask people about it, many will say this. But in practice, most still act and overwhelmingly think in terms of black-and-white. And it's a constant in human history - it's as much of a problem now as it was in Ancient Greece, we have evolved nothing.

What does this mean? It means that it is just such a bloody pain to get through to people! To help them stop spending so much energy on fighting each other and instead use it on making the world better for everyone. We keep fighting culture wars with imagined enemies and make everyone's lives miserable, while all it would take is to just stop and admit that there is in fact no us and them. That we're just all people who make mistakes and can get better.

But so I go, trying to promote this view, yet every time I feel like I succeeded on some small scale, I just see more and more of that everywhere else. It seems so inescapable. Can you please change my view and show me that it's not?