I cheated on my boyfriend, and I feel awful about it

I can’t stop thinking about what I did, and I don’t know where else to turn. I’m a 20F and I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about a year now. He’s a really great guy. Caring, loyal, and always there for me, but lately, I’ve felt kind of distant from him. It’s not that I don’t love him, but I’ve been feeling like something’s missing.

A few weeks ago, I went out with some friends to a bar, and I ended up meeting someone. We were talking, and it just felt so easy. It wasn’t like anything I was planning, but we ended up kissing, and it felt like everything I’d been missing in my relationship. I felt guilty the whole time, but I convinced myself it was just a one-time thing and I wouldn’t let it happen again.

But it did. We ended up meeting a few more times, and we hooked up. It’s been eating me alive ever since. I’ve been hiding it from my boyfriend, and I hate myself for it. I don’t want to hurt him, but I’m scared to tell him the truth. I don’t know if I can live with myself if I don’t come clean, but I’m so terrified of losing him. He deserves someone who doesn’t do this to him. I feel like such a terrible person, and I don’t know how to fix this mess I’ve made.

I’m not proud of what I did. I just needed to get it off my chest. Please don’t judge me too harshly.