Atypical Relationships

I don’t post much here but enjoy reading about everyone’s experiences and how often they can share a different view from mine and keep me out of an echo chamber.

I recently read a post on here (about a person who wanted a relationship but still wanted independence).

In thinking about the concept it is very interesting to me. I spent 40 years in a marriage that was less than fulfilling.

I am independent and have a lot on my plate. But I absolutely love the company of a nice gentleman (to include sexually which also was an issue in my marriage). I love planning and getting dressed for a special day, spending time with someone and enjoying each other. But I don’t want someone living with me. I don’t want to worry about what he thinks about me rearranging my furniture or if I shouldn’t buy another book or plant. And until I’m 100% sure I want him fully in my life, I don’t want to introduce him to my family.

I have filled that need with FWBs but I’m kind of feeling like I want something a little deeper, but not too deep.

We read a lot on here about Living Apart Together and other ways of having relationships. Especially in people who have created lives and the difficulties with changing a whole paradigm that might be needed with a traditional marriage.

I would like to find a special someone who can respect my time away from him, who can be fulfilled with seeing me a few times a week/month. Who isn’t jealous or possessive. Who has his own life that he enjoys. In other words, someone who doesn’t need me, but wants me. Someone who respects my personal life that might minimally include him, or not.

Have you found that? How did that discussion go? Did you start off knowing that was what you both wanted or did it just happen? Did you put it in your profile?

Thanks for sharing your wisdom and insight!

Edit:

Thanks for all the responses.

It seems that I’m not the only one who values my independence and doesn’t really want to live with someone all the time.

And there is as much variety in what people want or have experienced as people on here, which makes sense.

I guess the bottom line is that at our age, different things work for different people. I just know that I want drama free fun. Traveling together or gardening or just enjoying a cup of coffee on the deck after a lovely night. I don’t need someone to pay my electric bill or mow my lawn or parent my children. I want someone who has his own hobbies and family and friends. And I don’t want someone who is territorial or jealous or insecure.

It might all be pie in the sky, but shopping is fun!