I am my depression

When I read other people talking about people who commit suicide, a lot of them seem to have had this prior self that was extremely well liked or charismatic or something like that. I got no prior self, I don't even know what I am without this illness because I was FUCKING 9 WHEN IT WAS FESTERING. My depression is what molded me, and it is quite literally what I am. I can't break out of it because then I would fail to exist entirely