How to pull a "Mary"

This is inspired by the post asking about previous owners who became a adjective/verb/etc.

Mary was an older woman who owned this 100 year old house for around 20 years. She did 99% of the work in this house, the only things she didn't do herself was laying carpeting and installing new windows. She did not want to sell and was forced to by her family because she was unable to take care of herself and the house anymore. I knew what I was getting into when I bought the house (for the most part) and it feels rewarding to be bringing this house back to life. I still can't help but be shocked sometimes when I unearth a new gift from Mary.

Here is how to pull a "Mary:"

-write spells, curses, and incredibly dark, sexual poetry all over the walls in sharpie and then loosely attach paneling to the walls to hide it

-to then hide the fact that paneling has been put over the walls, go to Home Depot clearance section and buy every single discount tile they have. Don't worry about them matching :) and then just sloppily plaster the tiles on top of the paneling on the walls. What is really exciting about this is that if you run out of nails for securing the paneling, you can use the tiles and plaster to "glue" the paneling to some of the base wall :)))) Don't worry about cleaning the excess plaster, it adds character!

-to add an element of danger and excitement, use plaster to make an incredibly spiky wall. Please, for the love of god, make sure they are inch long spikes or else why even bother.

-screwing shelves into the wall is actually just Big Screw trying to scam you out of your money. Just use the left over plaster from laying tiles to glue shelves to your wall!

-are you gluing square panels to a wall? Don't you fucking DARE wash the wall beforehand- the dog hair, fleas, and flea dirt adds to the strength of the glue.

-if you pick up garbage off the floor or sweep up cat litter before laying new flooring you are a chump.

-wanna pull an epic prank on your dogs while also protecting your property from dark magic users? bury broken flower pots and bowls inches beneath the dirt in the yard where the dogs run and play :)

-the next owners of your house might be pests, so it is best to install mics so you can spy on them after they move in :))) no need to hide them though, just mount them to the ceiling and paint them the same color, the new owners are morons and will not immediately see them.

-sick of your pipes draining too well? just plant a few willow trees a few feet from the house!

I have only owned this house for 5 years, so I am certain there is more I will unearth over time! What I love is that some of my neighbors were IN THE HOUSE when she did these things! They WATCHED her do this to the house! Can you imagine watching someone glue shelving to the wall??? I would lose my mind!

ETA: almost all of these things were done in an attempt to flip the house and sell it for almost $200k. It was on the market for 3-4 years before I bought it, and I bought it for $70k. Houses in this neighborhood are typically sold for around $120k-$150k.