Husband’s family wonders why I don’t visit them after ruining our vow renewal

Two years ago I went to my husband’s country to meet his family for the first time and organised a vow renewal. We got married during Covid in a foreign country so I saw this vow renewal as our real wedding ceremony, since people would be there in person to celebrate with us. It meant a lot to me.

My husband’s brother volunteered to let us do it in his yard. He just bought a big house, and I’d always wanted to do it outdoor. We made arrangement with him, and after the vow renewal, we would take everyone out for a cruise brunch.

Two weeks before our vow renewal - and one week before we flew - he cancelled on us. No warning. No explanation.

My husband’s second brother offered his home for our vow renewal. On the call with him, he specifically told me I had to be grateful to his fiancé who agreed to do it.

This was my introduction to his family. I hadn’t even met anyone in person yet.

Feeling hurt and unwanted, I decided to cancel the vow renewal. Family drama started, and eventually we put together a quick, unprepared ceremony at his parents’ house - nothing we had anticipated for. Mood was tense and guests (all of them my husband’s family and friends as I know no one in his country) barely talked to me. No one of his family gave us any wedding gifts either. Not that we asked, but no gestures shown either.

I still feel deeply hurt and never look at the few snaps taken on a phone that day. Those four weeks staying with his family felt unwelcome and uncomfortable. We had to buy ourselves a mattress to sleep in his parents home. The room was barely furnished.

Since then, whenever my husband goes home in summer to see his family, I never come along.

Today, my husband told me that SIL and BIL apologised for what happened two years ago, as they sense that me not coming back means things aren’t going well.

I am livid. They only apologised to my husband and never to me. Who ruined someone’s wedding ceremony like that and thought you could just move on like nothing happened? And the snarky “to be grateful” request? And we had to buy a bed? Who welcomes a new family member in like that?

For some background, I’m an Asian woman marrying a white man. I’d hate to think it has a role to play.