How can he blame me?!
I (47F) have been married to my husband (45M) for 15 years. No kids by mutual agreement. Friends always joked how good our relationship was - no fights, good balance of shared hobbies and separate time. I thought we'd be together forever.
3 months ago, he told me he didn't love me anymore, and hadn't for at least a year. I was totally blindsided and deeply hurt as he'd acted normal the whole time. We weren't fighting. He blamed his anti-depressants for causing "emotional blunting". We got his meds changed but it didn't help.
The first few conversations were very emotional for me. I called him a liar for faking our marriage, saying "I love you" when he didn't mean it. I called him a psycho because he couldn't express any empathy or regret for what was happening to me. I called him a coward because he kept it secret for so long, denying me a chance to understand or help. I stand by these - they're my interpretation of what he's done to me.
He says these labels are wrong and he does not deserve them. He doesn't understand (or refuses to consider) my perspective. He moved out a month ago, spending a bunch of money to rent and set up an apartment.
This week, he asked for a divorce. His reason? Besides still not having feelings for me, he doesn't even want to try to reconcile because I reacted "too aggressively" when I called him a liar / coward / psycho (and stood by it). Is it unreasonable to be emotional when the love of your life rejects you for no reason with no warning?
I think he thinks that I want apologies or validations that he is not prepared to give, so why bother? Absolutely zero effort at reconciliation. Yes, I called him those things and yes I'm still angry but apologising and acknowledging and asking forgiveness is a thing, right? Some things can be turned around if you try but he just... hasn't.
I'm shocked that he can kill off our marriage so quickly, it feels so callous. I'm most upset that he's convinced himself that it's my fault we're breaking up, that I'm being unreasonable. But he rejected me! He misrepresented his feelings to me! He moved out from me! I didn't cheat, I didn't steal, we weren't fighting, we did date nights and went on holidays, I loved him and I was totally oblivious to what was going on behind his eyes. I consider myself blameless and I'm appalled that he's somehow managed to make the outcome of this situation into my fault.
Is he right? Is this situation somehow my fault? Is he gaslighting or manipulating me? I'm over-analysing everything and need some outside perspective, thanks.
PS I am very confident that there is no other person involved, please skip the "he's got a side piece" conclusions.
tl;dr Husband of 15 years says doesn't love me anymore despite no marriage issues, he blames his decision to divorce on my emotional reaction to his disclosure. Reasonable or not?