I did the thing. As soon as I finished the first episode of YFNSM I went back and graded every other premiere episodes because I want to see how each of them hold up.

Let's get down to business.

So how do you define modern? TAS onward. How will it be graded? On a scale of A to F. Will there be surprise? Yes.

Bottom three: 2017, Unlimited and Ultimate.

2017 sucks. If you want a conclusive proof as to why the MCU seems done with the classic origin, this is it. It tried to recreate the origin on a near 1:1 but with none of the joy and all of the exposition (dumped in scientific terms even god knows why they put Robbie Daymond through it). And I do not tolerate "talk, don't show" well. I quit halfway when Peter began over-analyzing whatever the hell happened to him 7 minutes in, and only got the gut to come back to finish it so I can walk the walk. F.

Unlimited is a boring and alien rehash of TAS. You get Pete here trying to save JJJ's son when he's stuck on Counter-Earth and clear his name. That's the premise. It got some nice bit like the talk with MJ and Peter's will but that's all I could remember. Oh and the animation is dated. C-.

Ultimate fucked around. It's pacing is atrocious given how it pauses every time you see someone new. Look, you can cut the crap with the intro panel to Chi McBride's Fury and just have him shoot the damn gun and it will work just fine, we know he's a super spy. Can't believe the first 30 seconds of episode 1 (from JJJ's speech to Peter's returning banter) led to whatever it is but oh well, at least the animation is the most fluid here. C+.

The average: TAS.

This is the baseline. This is what you should be getting. The dialogues flow smoothly and not being interrupted every fifteen seconds just so your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man gets annoying at you for not understanding a damn word. We also get to know the cast at Daily Bugle well and the introduction to the Lizard is fine as is. The animation is good for 1994's standard but dated for today's just like Unlimited. B+.

Top three: TNAS, Spectacular and YFNSM.

You'll be pleasantly surprised how mature these three can get to some degree. Partly due to the writing, but for TNAS and YFNSM, it's also due to the upgraded age rating. They are both TV-PG versus every other shows being TV-Y7.

YFNSM. Best Doctor Strange appearance since Infinity War. A rather convoluted way to get the spider biting Peter (I'm mixed on the matter). A strong showing of the life in 2010s NYC, well as strong as you could afford with animation dating itself back in 2005. Some strong writing here and there (the pizza store scene and the subtle hint at racial discrimination from Lonnie's side). Overall, it did enough to justify four years of being in development hell. A-.

Spectacular. It is hamstrung by the age rating, yes. However, the relationship between Vulture and Goblin is at most interesting here as this show is not shying away from depicting class inequality in a non-subtle way. Goblin is intimidating here as he is everywhere. Plus, Josh Keaton's delivery is great. A-.

TNAS. Where do I start with the MTV show? It jumped into the housing crisis topic akin to that one issue from the 60s (Crisis on Campus) and it hit. The animation is whack, either I'm mishearing something or Neil Patrick Harris sounds a bit off but the writing is solid to make up for it. The villain is also a bonus to the show as he's a proto-version of what you get out of "Instagram heroes" but depicted and tagged properly here. A true hypocrite bar none. A.