what am....i?

I believe I'm a serial killer. since an incident that happened a while back I created a "friend" his name is smiley, every day almost he follow me around abs gives me advice on how to get out of sticky situations, he sits by me in class, he's like a part of my brain but I can't see him, YET. back to my serial killer thing, i have ha many dreams where I was smiley, i had lived in a house that we have a painting of, apparently my grandmother painted it, but I lived in that house and every couple days i would leave my house to go kill a bad person, rapist, murdered, criminal ETC. me killing them is what made me calm. I crave violence during school, I wish to slit some of my teachers throats and watch as they bleed out, I look in the face of my Ex girlfriend and think of the best way for them to die, I dont believe im sane, nor schizophrenic. but i have a history with drug use. idk why I live the way I do, but I do. and I enjoy it a lot.